Ever since I started dating my partner of two years, the stigma around long-distance relationships, especially during the first year of college, has haunted me. We went a while without even addressing it, partly because it was sad and mainly due to the awkwardness it would bring. I tried to look at the situation from a logical point of view. Long-distance is difficult. I would prefer to end on good terms and find each other later in life. If we were meant to be, it would work out.
Flash forward three months later to the morning of my flight to California. My boyfriend brought up the conversation, pitching a new idea. He thought we had gotten a lot closer over the summer and suggested we try long-distance to at least see what happens. I’m usually very blunt with my feelings and, on any other day, I probably would have fought back (and won). Maybe it was a fear of abandonment or the weakness of it being my last day home, but I agreed. Turns out, I was right all along: long-distance is tough.
I won’t go into too much detail about the difficulty of long-distance relationships, but I’d give a lot of the blame to our captivating friend: iMessage. Communicating through social media, texting, and FaceTime is ten times more exhausting than in person. I have my own routine and feel guilty that I let myself label him as an intrusion. I often even find myself lashing out at him for talking to me too much. It’s clearly not his fault since the issue was more exhaustion. Whether it’s looking at my phone to see a call from him every time I try to do work or simple miscommunications through the tone-deaf dialogue of texting, I just feel suffocated. I have learned to manage my emotions in these situations by putting myself in his point of view. I usually ask myself how I would have handled the same problem if I were in his place. It has turned out to be pretty effective. Experiencing these things firsthand has made me feel so guilty for judging others who tried being in long-distance relationships. Any type of relationship, friendly or romantic, is too complicated for there to be a set rule of whether or not they work.
So, after all this, is it worth it to even try? Now I’m obviously not a relationship connoisseur and this is just based on my personal experience, but yes. I think we made the right decision. There’s no shame in trying; just try not to let the idea that “long-distance relationships will never work” weigh you down. In the past three months, I feel like we’ve gotten closer than ever; and even if it doesn’t work out in the long run, I’ve learned more about myself and have personally grown more than I would have if I just forced myself to move on. There’s no reason to tuck away your feelings just out of fear from an unfamiliar way of life.