I hadn’t cried all day. At least, not until I finished wrapping your going-away present. But as my hand smoothed out the flower printed paper, I suddenly burst out into tears. As I wailed petulantly in the middle of the living room, my grandmother and great grandmother rushed to me in concern. What’s wrong, they had asked me. I could barely get the words out that you were moving to Spain.
I could tell from their mildly shocked faces that they didn’t understand my reaction. How could they? They weren’t there as we experienced over a decade of memories with each other. They didn’t see the way we grew up side by side, our lives intertwining together forever. They didn’t feel the emotions we felt together, processing everything from the joy of a first boyfriend to the grief of losing a loved one. Of course they wouldn’t understand.
I had managed to stop crying by the time I had to pick you up for the last dinner with our friends. And surprisingly, I could hold the tears at bay throughout the entire meal. Even when Heather hugged you goodbye for the last time and she couldn’t bear to let you go, I held it in. As we drove back to your house, I mustered up a smile as we listened to that stupid song you kept humming all day. I didn’t want to make your last moments with me sad. But when we stepped into your house and the reality of the situation hit, I couldn’t take it anymore.
You held me tightly as the sobs racked my body. And in the background, I could feel you shaking too. I didn’t want to let go, didn’t want the moment to pass, taking you with it. This would be the last time I would ever be with you in this cozy house. In the deluge of tears, the memories rushed forward: us snuggling together on the couch as we rewatched Gilmore Girls for the forty millionth time, us squealing together outside in my car as you told me about your first kiss, us screaming with laughter into the night as we sang horribly while driving down Sunrise Boulevard.
You aren’t just my best friend. You’re so much more. I never had an easy time making friends. I still don’t. After being told so many times that I’m awkward, desperate, or uninteresting, I began to feel broken inside. My self-worth deteriorated as I started to see myself as someone unlovable. But you didn’t see me like that. No. You told me that I was worth much more. You said I was fun, comfortable to be with, and funny. You explained that almost no one else got you in the way that I did, and that you felt happy when you were with me. And despite everything, all the ostracism, anxiety, and confidence issues I suffered, you decided to stay by my side and walk through it with me. You loved me.
You will always be a part of my life, Naira. It’s impossible for you to not be in it. It just breaks my heart that you won’t be by my side anymore. But I don’t want to keep you here, not when you are so excited. So, go on. Start this new chapter of your life and don’t hold back. I want you to have the most amazing experiences. Please, just don’t forget to let me know once in a while how it’s going.
To my dear best friend:
I love you.
– Sara