Any GenZ would use the same word to describe the current dating market: “trash.” We’ve all heard of the typical catfisher, ghoster, and awkward dance of who should pay for a meal. Alongside these issues, stories of cheating in relationships have become increasingly publicized.
I used to give society the benefit of the doubt: maybe it’s not that cheating has gone up, but that forums like Reddit or Quora give people a better opportunity to report. However, the availability heuristic has triumphed: infidelity is truly on the rise. In fact, infidelity is the most common reason for breakups in 160 different cultures.1 Cheating can leave a lasting scar, but rather than instilling us with fear, let’s delve into some of the factors that can potentially perpetuate this act.
1. Sexual/Emotional Needs unfulfilled
The primary motivation to cheat? Your partner “not being enough.” Research shows that men cheat due to unfulfilled sexual needs while women cheat to feel more desired and loved.2 This has been more commonly seen with married couples, because they make a promise to be with each other long-term, but as time passes, they begin to see gaps and unfulfilled expectations in each other. Inevitably, life gets in the way: it becomes more challenging to make time for romantic and sexual gestures, thereby making room for infidelity to creep in.
2. Disposition
It sounds demonizing to say that our personalities can drive us to be promiscuous, but high scores on neuroticism, extraversion, and low scores on conscientiousness have been associated with seeking intimacy outside of a committed relationship. Similarly, people who score higher on sexual excitement and desire are more inclined to engage in cheating and have a long list of casual partners.3-5 Much of this sounds obvious, but it can be difficult to observe these traits in others. It’s always better to analyze a person’s history and current demeanor before making clear-cut conclusions on their loyalty.
3. Gender roles
With women entering the workforce, there has been more surveillance on our behavior with the opposite sex. Some straight men might even venture out to limit their partner’s professional engagements with other men, but contrary to popular belief, infidelity is more likely in relationships where one spouse stays at home and the other works.6 The spouse at home might have substantially lower social interactions compared to the spouse that works, thereby lending them to feeling undesired or underappreciated, as mentioned in point #1.
4. Insecure attachment style
More awareness has been brought to how our upbringing influences our current relationships. Those who had an unstable relationship with family members are more likely to embody insecure attachment, thereby making them more likely to demand copious attention and seek the love their parents couldn’t fulfill for them. Additionally, children who had parents that cheated are more likely to cheat in their own relationships,7 as their parents were their main foundation of relationship schemas.
5. The Internet
Probably the key reason why we are seeing a rise in infidelity today: media. Having access to hundreds of TV shows, movies, social media accounts, and naturally, very attractive people, it becomes seamless to connect with others and spark a new relationship. Not only can viewing so many attractive figures lead to temptation or imposing unrealistic standards on your current partner, but the ease of which you can romantically engage with others in secrecy allows affairs to progress longer. Two-thirds of people who seek a romantic/sexual connection online bring it to fruition in real life.8
ConClusion
Despite the peer-reviewed literature on affairs, it is a complex subject that is challenging to cement into black-and-white statements. It’s crucial to understand that none of these aforementioned reasons should permit the act of cheating, nor do they doom you to the life of a cheater. We all have the free will to decide what is morally correct and incorrect, and if privileged enough, have the right to leave a relationship that doesn’t serve us well.
Bibliography
1. Grøntvedt TV, Kennair LEO, Bendixen M. Breakup Likelihood Following Hypothetical Sexual or Emotional Infidelity: Perceived Threat, Blame, and Forgiveness. Journal of Relationships Research. 2020;11:e7. e7. doi:10.1017/jrr.2020.5
2. Mark KP, Janssen E, Milhausen RR. Infidelity in heterosexual couples: demographic, interpersonal, and personality-related predictors of extradyadic sex. Arch Sex Behav. Oct 2011;40(5):971-82. doi:10.1007/s10508-011-9771-z
3. Dewall CN, Lambert NM, Slotter EB, et al. So far away from one’s partner, yet so close to romantic alternatives: avoidant attachment, interest in alternatives, and infidelity. J Pers Soc Psychol. Dec 2011;101(6):1302-16. doi:10.1037/a0025497
4. Whisman MA, Gordon KC, Chatav Y. Predicting sexual infidelity in a population-based sample of married individuals. J Fam Psychol. Jun 2007;21(2):320-4. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.320
5. Whisman MA, Snyder DK. Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment. J Fam Psychol. Jun 2007;21(2):147-54. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.147
6. Abzug R. Extramarital affairs as occupational hazard: A structural, ethical (cultural) model of opportunity. Sexualities. 02/01 2016;19:25-45. doi:10.1177/1363460715583586
7. Weiser D, Lalasz C, Weigel D, Evans W. A prototype analysis of infidelity. Personal Relationships. 11/01 2014;21doi:10.1111/pere.12056
8. Rokach A, Chan SH. Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences. Int J Environ Res Public Health. Feb 22 2023;20(5)doi:10.3390/ijerph20053904