Back in high school, I didn’t care for dating or romance, and it helped to be surrounded by friends who felt the same. However, that feeling instantly vanished once I entered college and noticed these same friends venturing out onto dating apps, meeting guys at parties, and exploring their options. For nearly 2 years I had been terribly lovesick, constantly yearning to experience that same exhilarating rush of attraction and desire. Unfortunately, that yearning slowly turned to resentment and bitterness every time I saw a couple holding hands or snuggling against each other. “Why can’t I have that?” “Why am I not good enough for men?” “Am I just too ugly or awkward?” “It’s been 19 years, maybe I’m not destined for love.”
I had two options: either let these negative thoughts eat away at my self-esteem, or look at my singlehood as a blessing and take advantage of it. As a believer in fate, I knew that if I’m single now, maybe it was only because my future partner is waiting for me on the other side of time. But even then, let’s say I don’t end up with a partner…does that make my future any less bright?
From books to TV to social media, there has been this constant portrayal that a person’s happiness comes from having a romantic partner. Because I had been surrounded by plenty of couples in college, it made me believe there is something wrong with me. What many other people, including myself, need to learn is that singlehood is simply a state of being: it is not a punishment nor rejection for who you are. The truth is, no one can be a good life partner without feeling whole on their own. If a person doesn’t take time to confront their hurt, appreciate their own strengths, and care to understand themselves, they will be placing these burdens onto others, who quite frankly, will not be equipped to fulfill what they need.
I had to tell myself that as a college student, I have so much worth living for besides romance: improving my academics, surpassing my career goals, working on my physical health, and healing the wounds of my emotional health. I learned to appreciate every little moment as MY time, because I had it all to myself, in order to invest in myself. Running on my treadmill, cooking my favorite pasta, applying my skincare routine, even writing this article — each of these activities may seem mundane, but I’m able to do it knowing it’s replenishing me on both physical and mental levels. Incorporating mindful activities like journaling and meditation has replenished me on even spiritual levels, as it has gone further in confronting my insecurities, negative thoughts, and irrational anxieties.
Here’s the part where I’m supposed to tell you I soon found my first boyfriend, but nope. Or maybe, you want me to tell you my life has completely changed and I’m a renewed person. That’s an even harder no. Appreciating singlehood isn’t gonna transform you overnight: it’s a mindset that constantly needs to be reiterated in your head. While nothing major has changed in my life, I have begun feeling more content, and even powerful, with my day-to-day tasks. My self-esteem is not 100% put back together…but it’s progression, not perfection, that wins at the end of the day.
The only person who is going to be in our lives 100% of the time is ourselves. If we don’t take the time to appreciate who we were born to be and born to become, it’ll be near impossible for another person to appreciate who we are. I can’t sit here and tell you love is dead and you should just throw all your desires away, but what I can tell you is there is great power in feeling content with your own company. I challenge anyone who reads this to go to a movie alone, dance to banger music in your room, maybe even find a scenic area and throw together your own amateur photo shoot alone. Take pride in your singlehood, because that kind of autonomy is worth cherishing.