Many of us womxn have heard this before, whether it’s from a family member, a significant other, or even a friend; most of us at one point or another have been told, “You’re so much prettier without makeup!” or some variation of this. Now, if you’re reading this and thinking back on times you may have told this to someone in your life, you might be wondering what the problem is with this statement. All you were trying to do is reassure this person you care about of their natural beauty and that they shouldn’t feel the need to wear makeup to be beautiful. What’s wrong with that?
While thoughts like these may seem well-intentioned there are some harmful underlying concepts that go along with this rationale.
First and foremost, and speaking as a womxn myself, what I decide to put on my face that day does not change my value as a person, aesthetically or symbolically. What I’m saying here is: Whether or not a womxn may choose to wear makeup does not define her internal or external beauty.
Secondly, this kind of thinking, again while being well-intentioned, supports rhetoric that contributes to victim blaming for sexual assault. You may be thinking I’ve taken a hard left here but bear with me. So, by saying “You’re so much prettier without makeup!” we are declaring that a woman’s self-expression, by what she chooses to put on her body, (whether its makeup or the kinds of clothes she decides to wear), changes her external value and legitimacy as a person.
While not everyone who says this sort of thing to their loved ones believes in this sort of thinking or even consciously supports it, many of the kinds of people who say women are prettier without makeup tend to be the part of the population who also shame women who wear too much makeup, or sometimes who even just wear makeup at all. For instance, I have heard many a conversation from male friends talking about how girls who wear makeup to the gym shouldn’t be doing that, and that they are only there to seek attention. Whether or not someone chooses to wear makeup, no matter the scenario, they are most likely not wearing makeup as a result of their need for male attention.
So going back to how this all contributes to victim blaming in sexual assault cases, here’s why this kind of thinking is problematic. By saying that a woman’s beauty and value is changed by how she decides to present herself through clothes or makeup, we support the type of thinking that blames victims of sexual assault. Victim blamers do so by insinuating that the victims clothing choice influenced the legitimacy of their lack of consent. In other words, these are the sorts of people who say “Look at what she was wearing, she was asking for it.”
Now, in no way am I saying that when you say, “You look prettier without makeup,” that you are intending to support victim blaming. I’m sure most people see this as a compliment. However, many women do not view it as such and instead, it feels like an attack on their freedom to express themselves.
At the end of the day, it’s about communicating to someone that you care about them and want to make them feel good about themselves. So next time you have the urge to tell a loved one that they look prettier without makeup, try “I think you look beautiful with or without makeup,” or simply “You’re so naturally beautiful!”