Okay, maybe I didn’t actually mean to give up. The word I was looking for was “surrender”. Yes, I know, telling someone to surrender sounds like very counterproductive life advice. In fact, when I first heard it while listening to a podcast at 1:00 am, I thought it was an invitation for failure. Then, I realized I had mistakenly confused the act of surrendering with giving up when in actuality the two are very different. So what is “surrendering” and how can it help you live a much more fruitful and abundant life? To put it simply, surrendering is letting go. It’s letting go of the expectations you have of yourself that cause you to approach life with anxiety and doubt. We often try to cling onto our worrying thoughts because we think they give us a sense of control, that the closer we hold onto them the less likely they are to actually occur. However, the reality is that many of the challenges we encounter in life and situations we find ourselves in are inevitable no matter how much we think about them. By continuing to allow our fears and insecurities take over, we lock ourselves in a state of mind that prevents us from attracting new opportunities and accepting the offer each moment brings.
When you surrender, you aren’t letting go of your dreams and aspirations, but you are letting go of the thoughts that often prevent you from attaining them. The way we think about ourselves, what we’re worth, and what we’re capable of effects the way in which we act immensely. Whether we are conscious of it or not, our beliefs set limitations for what we think we can or cannot do. We hold ourselves to standards for where we’re supposed to be in life based on what we’ve been told or what we perceive from those around us. If we think that we are “behind” we feel less than, rather than accepting that each of our lives unfolds at its own style and pace. If we feel that there is not “enough” going on, we feel as if we’re not truly living, while we could be finding joy and peace in simplicity.
Surrendering has everything to do with living in the present. It is important to remember that in the present, there is no past or the future suffering. The feelings and insecurities you’ve garnered in the past do not have to influence your present self if you choose for them not to, and you do not have to let your worries about what may happen in the future inhibit you from living in your authenticity. As someone who struggles with social anxiety, I’ve found that telling myself to surrender has helped me create new connections and deepen those I already have. During social interactions, I have often allowed my mind to become overrun with worrying thoughts of how I am being perceived. Rather than fully immersing myself in my interactions and opening the door for deeper connections, I’ve allowed my mind to become preoccupied with self-doubt. Reframing the way I think about myself and my life, learning to accept that things are the way they are for a reason, and understanding that I am always where I need to be even if what I’m feeling at the time isn’t exactly pleasant, has allowed me to find love and happiness in many more moments of my life.
Choosing to let go doesn’t mean you will enter a new phase of life that is free from fear, disappointment, heartbreak, and many other normal human emotions, but it will help you move through those rough periods with much more ease. By surrendering in those moments you can accept that it is okay for you to feel the way you do and show even more love to yourself. Knowing that each obstacle you encounter also comes with a new lesson learned helps bring a sense of security in the unknown. By giving you the courage to embrace the new and find the challenge in discovery it allows you to remain open to the good your life can bring.
It’s also important to keep in mind that surrendering is a gradual process, one that is not always immediate or perfect. Each and every one of us is different and have had our own unique combination of experiences. There are certain areas in our lives where it may be more difficult to let go. Part of surrendering is accepting that all we can ever really do is try our best.