I’ve been dealing with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Thinking back to moments when I was younger and realizing all the signs were there is so painful. Eventually, the anxiety turned into depression, following many years of ignoring that, too, until finally reaching a breaking point. I truly felt like I hit rock bottom about a year ago. Reaching out for help and stopping the cycle was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
I think what’s most frustrating about mental health is it is seen as taboo. Coming from a Hispanic family where mental health is often neglected or seen as “not real” makes it so difficult to say something. It’s heartbreaking not being able to tell your family, the people who are supposed to know you the most, what’s really going on. The shame revolving around this subject is so incredibly shattering because it stopped me and many others from seeking help. For the longest time, I’ve been fighting the embarrassment, and in order to ask for help, I had to put embarrassment and pride aside.
What I realized after reaching out and getting help was why didn’t I do this sooner? My biggest regret was letting my anxiety and depression eat me little by little and consume my being for so long. I regret not getting help faster. I regret not leaning on others more. It took the self-realization that I was hanging on by a very thin thread to reach out. I wouldn’t wish the pain I felt on anyone, but the relief of finally letting it out is freeing.
Asking for help and opening up to strangers is scary and hard, but it’s so worth it. It feels strange and invasive. But then you realize there are people out there who want to help you and are rooting for you. Opening up slowly made me feel like I could breathe again. It changed my perspective on life, myself, my habits, and the people around me. Having someone to help guide you through your past, present and future, slowly uncovering all the pieces that have led you to this point, is relieving.
I learned that you don’t have to deal with this on your own and that you are never alone. There are people who care and are willing to help. There is nothing shameful about reaching out for help or for feeling the way we do. Our feelings are valid, and our mental health does not define who we are. I take pride in advocating for mental health and wouldn’t be here if I had never reached out. I’m thankful for the people who pulled me out of such a dark time in my life and for how much I’ve grown since then. I wholeheartedly believe in the importance of putting your mental health first, always.
I have wanted to share this for some time now, but it never felt right. It’s scary putting yourself out there, especially with something so personal, but then I thought if just one person could read this and feel seen, then it’s worth it. Above all else, it’s for me. To look back at this and know I made it! I’m alive! So if you’re reading this, I hope you get the help you deserve; I hope you heal and stick around for a while. You are so loved, and it will be okay.