Quick! Think of the last person who told you an outfit looked bad on you. Was it your mom? Maybe. Your boyfriend? Definitely not. It was probably your best friend, right? Best friends are supposed to be there to make sure we always look, act, and feel our best. They’re supposed to be our right-hand girls; the one person in the whole world who will always say the right thing.
So what do we do when our BFFs stop being the best? There are a bunch of ways best friendships can go wrong, but three that probably need to be cut off are…
She One-Ups You…Constantly!
Oh, you just got a raise? She got promoted. Your boyfriend surprised you with a dinner date? Hers brought her flowers, diamonds, and a lifetime supply of chocolate. We call her the One-Upper, and almost all of us will encounter her in our lifetime. She’ll make you feel like your accomplishments and goals aren’t valid, because her low self-esteem causes her to seek validation at every possible opportunity.
A common version of the One-Upper is the girl who knows every obscure reference in the world…and puts you down for not catching them. Amy*, a freshman at UCF, says, “My old best friend would constantly berate me for not knowing whatever new indie band she’d found that week. It’d be like ‘Have you heard Banana Nut Muffin Omelette? No? Oh my god, I cannot believe you’ve never heard of them! Really?!’” These sly put-downs eventually led to Amy feeling dejected, and like her best friend wasn’t really interested in the real her…just the girl she’d created. “I eventually had to cut her off. It happened slowly, but over time we just grew apart. I couldn’t be best friends with someone who constantly made me feel bad about myself.”
She Ditches You For Her Boyfriend…And He’s A Jerk!
We’re all probably a little guilty of getting caught up in new relationships. I know I am! But what matters isn’t that you spend every second with your best friend, but that you still make her feel important. For Alex*, her best friend couldn’t juggle her BF and BFF and dropped Alex in the process.
“She got a boyfriend who was four years older than her, he moved to our hometown and completely changed her. He wouldn’t let her go clubbing or shopping, and eventually she started being awkward around me because I still went out.” And after all of this, he still cheated on her! But Alex says she’s still with him. “He doesn’t let her have other guys’ numbers in her phone or added on Facebook, it’s really sad. We’re still good, but it’s nothing like it used to be.”
Unfortunate as it may be, Alex probably made the right choice in slowing down the friendship. Any girl who lets her boyfriend control every aspect of her life isn’t in a good enough place for a best friend. Think of her boyfriend as an addiction…and if you’re not comfortable supporting it, you need to take a step back from the situation. Make sure she’s in a safe place, then move on with your life. There’s no use in you waiting around for a girl who’s not putting as much effort in as you are…and there’s no use in you dealing with her jerk of a boyfriend!
She Doesn’t Have Your Back…And Lets You Take the Fall!
There’s nothing worse than a best friend who throws you under the bus. Whether it be blaming her fender bender on you talking, telling her mom you’re the reason she’s late, or telling your group of friends about your embarrassing night at the bar…and leaving out all the dirty details about herself. Making these mistakes every once in a while probably isn’t cause to end the friendship…but be careful, because sometimes a kinda-crappy BFF can lead to a next-level disaster.
Kim, 18, had to learn about bad best friends the hard way. She was at a football game, and her BFF decided to use a fake I.D to purchase alcohol underage. Not knowing much better (and under the influence of a shady best friend!) Kim obliged. After her friend bought the beer, the two girls were stopped by undercover police asking to see I.D. Since her best friend had used the fake, Kim assumed she’d fess up with her…but nope!
“She proceeded to say that she would be right back, she had to go to the bathroom, while I ‘waited for my other friend to bring my I.D.’ She never came back and let me get a citation and get kicked out of the game…and then did nothing to help me or to console me. She didn’t even offer to go to my court date with me! Needless to say, we are not friends anymore!”
If you’re dealing with one of the best friend types above, chances are it’s time to cut the cord. Have a sit down, honest conversation with your girl, and if things don’t improve, don’t beat yourself up. It’s her loss!
*Name has been changed.
If you have a terrible best friend story, send it over to leximerritt@knights.ucf.edu. I’d love to hear them!