It’s easy to look into the past and think about all of the things you wish you had done differently. After all, they say that hindsight is 20/20. As I am going into my senior year of college, I find myself reflecting more and more about my first two years of college and what I could have done differently along the way. While I can’t change the past, I can share some advice I have learned that I wish I had known when I initially started college.
- Sometimes it’s better to have fewer friends than bad friends.
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Making friends in college can be hard for a lot of students, especially when you are someone who is naturally introverted like I am. In my first year of college, I befriended almost anyone who would give me the time of day without considering if they were as invested in the friendship as I was.
Now that I am a senior, I have cut off several of these one-sided relationships and have chosen to focus on investing in my friends who invest in me and value me for who I am, and not for what I can do for them.
- it’s okay to put yourself out there and fail.
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Trying new things can be intimidating. I felt very afraid of being judged in my early years of college, and because of that, I didn’t allow myself to try as many new things as I wanted to at the time. Realizing that a lot of this anxiety was simply in my head has helped me become more at ease with getting out of my comfort zone, and being fiercely me.
- your self-worth is not tied to your productivity.
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It is easy to be hard on yourself when you don’t feel that you are being “productive enough” by your own standards. Especially when you are feeling overwhelmed, it’s hard to let yourself get the rest that you need without feeling worse about not doing enough. While I’m not perfect about this, I have been learning to accept that I cannot reasonably demand productivity 24/7 without taking proper care of myself and my body’s needs.
- Rejection is just redirection.
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I know this may be cliché, but it is simply the truth. It is almost inevitable that you will face rejection during your time in college. This may look like being rejected from a job or internship or facing a romantic rejection. When you frame rejection as redirection and view one door closing as another door opening, you allow yourself to embrace the fact that better things are yet to come. This mindset has allowed me to land a successful internship and have a healthy relationship of two and a half years!
- Comparison is the Thief of joy.
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In a digital age that places such an emphasis on the usage of social media, it can be easy to fall into comparing your life to the ones that you see online. Even outside of social media, I struggled with feeling like I wasn’t doing enough because I was comparing my workload to someone else’s who had more on their plate. Life is not a competition, and someone else’s win is not inherently your loss.
- it’s okay to say “No” sometimes.
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Saying “yes” to every plan with your friends, every club you think is interesting, or every responsibility you could take on will get you burnt out quickly. While you don’t have to say “no” to everything, knowing when something is past your limit is something important to learn and begin to recognize about yourself. As you get used to saying “no” more often, you will find less of a need to justify why you said “no” to other people. After all, “no” is a full sentence.
- Don’t let yourself be a doormat.
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This ties into #1 a bit but can be applied to more than just friendships. You don’t need to let yourself be walked over all the time just to save face or keep the peace. Knowing when to put your foot down when you’ve had enough is equally important as knowing when to stay out of things.
- never forget that you are deserving of good things.
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Above all else, you are your own first priority. You have kept yourself together throughout all of the ups and downs in life so far. You are worthy of love, compassion, kindness, and an abundance of good things and good people in your life.
There is always room to grow and lessons to be learned in life. Allow yourself to experience life to the fullest and embrace the places and people that feel like home. Embrace life with all of its imperfections and ups and downs. Take whatever advice resonates with you and use it to create a more tender love for yourself and your life as you navigate the college experience.