Dear 11-year-old Seva,ย
This year marks some big changes in your life. You’re going to move to a new house. You’re going to have more homework and stress in middle school than ever before (that trend will continue in high school). And you’re going to experience changes in your body as that wonderful time called puberty begins.
You’ve never experienced so much anxiety before, but with all these changes happening, you’re going to start struggling with stress. This struggle will continue for years as a middle school and high school student (and even a little bit into your college years).ย
As a 20-year-old now, there are things I wish I could tell you about anxiety โ things that would help you. Though I’m no expert now and am no replacement for seeing a professional counselor (that’s something you will do in high school), these are some things I want you to know.
- You’re not alone.
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For a long time, you’re going to think that you’re all alone in your anxiety. You’ll think that everyone else is fine because they’re all smiling, laughing and taking fun pictures of themselves as if their life is a piece of cake all the time. But Seva, the truth is that your life looks as great to others as theirs seems to you. Don’t be tricked by appearances. You’re not alone.
- Don’t be ashamed.
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You’re going to think that you’re the only one struggling with anxiety and it’s going to be a source of embarrassment. You’re going to say to yourself, “Look, that person has their life together, why can’t I do the same?” But you are juggling your school, family life, social life and everything else while trying to take care of your mental health. You’re doing your best and anxiety is a normal part of life. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.ย
- Reach out for help sooner.
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You’re a naturally private person, so you’re going to keep your anxiety to yourself for a while. You fear that other people won’t understand or will think you’re weird for talking about your anxiety and mental health. Even though you already have trusted family members and friends, it’s going to take you some time before you reach out for help โ and to that I say, reach out sooner. Fear held inside will fester and grow, but speaking about what’s bothering you helps squelch the fear. And the support of family and friends who care about you is priceless.
- Your mental health is not your identity
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Anxiety is going to be a big struggle for you. You worry a lot and always have โ it’s just going to be worse as school gets intense and you have more things to worry about. But I want you to remember that your tendency towards anxiety, worry and stress does not define who you are. It’s not your identity. Your identity is built on the things you love โ your family, your friends, your passions and your creativity โ not by the things that you fear.
- Even though things get better, always be open to receiving help.
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When you first come to UCF, you’re going to be overwhelmed. A little private-high-school kid coming to a metropolitan public university in Orlando? Yeah, you’re in for a major culture shift. But you’re going to find people at UCF that you love, groups where you belong, and causes you care deeply about. You’re going to be so focused on the things you’re passionate about that anxiety will start to take its place on the back burner of your life. Even though you will always be a worrier, you’ll start learning to accept life as it happens and stop sweating the small stuff. But never forget that (as cliche as it sounds), mental health is a journey, not a destination. Always stay open to asking for help, talking about anxiety and mental health with the people you trust, and seeking professional guidance even if you’re not at a breaking point (after all, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure).
Seva, you’re going to learn so much as you grow from the 11-year-old you were to the 20-year-old you are today. And you’re going to learn that you still have so much to learn.ย
The last thing I want you to know is that I’m grateful to you. Because the things that you experience are the things that make me who I am today. Never lose your spark and passion for life and always remember that who you are is defined by what you love, not by what you fear.