This past Monday (November 6th, 2017) I attended the “Rape vs. Consensual Sex” Mock Trial presented by UCF’s Victim Services. During the duration of the trial, I learned a lot; Most importantly, I learned that way too many people do not understand what consent is. This came as a shock to me, especially considering all UCF students are required to complete Haven (a sexual assault course) before enrolling. Here is a lesson for those of you who don’t understand what consent is/isn’t.
Florida statutes define consent as “intelligent, knowing, and voluntary (consent) and does not include coerced submission.” Since that definition does not tell you much, here is the dictionary.com definition – “permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.” To make this as simple as possible, consent, when we talk about sexual activity, means willingly agreeing to engage in sexual activity with another individual/other individuals. Consent literally means getting a willing “yes” from the other person before touching them. Pretty simple, right? Don’t touch someone until they give you permission to do so.
Here are 10 basic guidelines to follow when it comes to consent.
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Before engaging in any sort of sexual activities with anyone, get clear consent. This means that you hear the other person say “yes” before you even begin to touch them. It also means that all parties involved are in the correct state for them to give this consent (see #2). Make sure that you both agree (willingly) before proceeding. Remember that anything besides a “yes” is a NO (including, but not limited to “maybe,” “I don’t know,” “possibly,” or silence).
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Someone under the influence of drugs/alcohol cannot give consent. Drugs and alcohol alter your perceived reality (which is why you are not allowed to drive under the influence). Drugs and alcohol put an individual in a state in which they cannot give consent. Therefore, even if an individual says “yes” while under the influence, do not engage in sexual activity with them.
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In Florida, the age of consent is 18 – individuals under the age of 18 cannot legally give consent. Do NOT engage in sexual activities with individuals under the age of 18, even if they say “yes” – it is against the law and you could be charged with statutory rape. The only exception to this is Florida’s Romeo & Juliet law, which states that if someone is 16 or 17 years old, they can consent to individuals 16-23 years old. For more information on this law, visit https://www.flsenate.gov/PublishedContent/Session/2012/InterimReports/20…
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If someone is unconscious, they cannot give consent. Someone who is not awake is literally unable to say “yes.” It does not matter if the person consented when they were still conscious. If someone is no longer able to communicate if they want you to stop, you no longer have the other person’s consent.
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People can change their minds. If someone communicates during sexual activity that they no longer want to engage in sexual activity, their consent has been revoked. If consent is revoked, there is no consent given and activity must stop. Just because they said “yes” when you started does not mean they are not allowed to change their mind.
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If an individual is threatened/guilted into saying “yes” to a sexual activity, that is not consent. That is coercion and violates an important aspect of consent – willingness. Forcing someone to agree to sexual activity is NOT consent.
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Someone’s outfit does not equate to them consenting to sexual activities. I do not care if someone is completely naked – unless they give open and willing consent, sexual activity is not allowed. What an individual is wearing is not an invitation to engage in sexual activities with them.
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Just because an individual is in a relationship does not mean they give consent, even to their partner. One’s relationship status is NOT the green light – they must still given a willing “yes.” Even if you are dating someone, ensure you have their consent before engaging in any form of sexual activity.
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Just because someone consented to sexual activity at one point does not mean they agree to that sexual activity all the time. Agreeing to sexual activity one night does not guarantee consent the following day. Ensure you receive consent every time you want to engage in sexual activity with another person.
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Consent can include many different things. It can range from the sexual activities that you agree to, to the terms of which you agree to them. For example, if someone agrees to have sex with a condom and the other person does not wear a condom, that is a breach of consent. Another example would be agreeing to certain kinds of sex versus others. If guidelines are made between the parties involved, those guidelines must be followed or there is no longer consent.
Although these 10 rules do not cover 100% of sexual assault cases, they cover a large majority. I promise, it is not as hard as it looks – just getting a willing, clear “yes” beforehand (and listening to your partner throughout) is really what it boils down to. Ensuring both parties consent to sexual activities is essential to the wellbeing of the individuals involved.
**If you have any questions or concerns, make sure to contact UCF Victim Services at (407)-823-1200**