I first met my military boyfriend before he joined, and let me tell you, I was not expecting a relationship, let alone a long-distance one. Our story does not start romantically. We met like many other couples in our generation — through social media.
Once he began messaging me, he caught my attention. At the time, I was not looking for a relationship because I wanted to focus on school and my career in journalism. One thing I quickly liked about him was that he understood that part about me. He appreciated I put so much energy into something for me. Right then, I knew this guy was not going anywhere.
We quickly became attached through everyday video chats and phone calls. Eventually, he flew out to see me. In my eyes, this was like a test, which he quickly passed. I still remember what our first kiss felt like. It happened right after I picked him up from the airport. He was wearing his cowboy hat, and I was blushing way too hard.
My military boyfriend and I have been going strong for almost a year, but up until now, we have only seen each other in person three times. I know what you are thinking, but how? There is no clear-cut plan for a good long-distance relationship. All I can say is what we have done up until this point that works for us, but one thing I think is essential to remember is that every day is different, and it takes a special person to dedicate your love to someone so far away.
In my case, my boyfriend is in Italy, which is a solid 5,000 miles away. Here are some tips I can give based on my experience so far.
- MAKE TIME TO TALK — EVERY DAY
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If you don’t want to talk to your partner every day, you probably don’t really like them. You should want to know how their day went or if they passed that really important test. These conversations should never feel like a chore.
In our case, when I wake up, he goes to sleep, and vice versa. We take these moments to video chat and wish each other a good day or night’s sleep. Text updates are also important to us throughout the day, as they show your partner that you are thinking about them.
- MAKE PLANS TO SEE EACH OTHER IN THE FUTURE
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Staying excited about the relationship is much easier if you make plans to spend time together in person. It’s also an opportunity to plan something together; feeding off each other’s excitement is a great way to keep things going strong. Pre-planning can also give you something to look forward to, and when you get to see your partner after all that time, trust me when I say the waiting will be worth it. The more time you dedicate to planning your activities/time together, the more memorable they become.
- TALK ABOUT FUTURE GOALS
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It is easier to have a relationship if you are both on the same page. You must work hard enough to get there if you both want the same thing. Openly communicating about what you both want and expect from each other is crucial. Set future goals that you both can look forward to together, and let time do the rest.
Remember, do not take things too fast. Move at a pace you both are comfortable with and try to meet your goals as a couple. Also, don’t compare your relationship goals to other relationships you see. Being in my 20s, many girls in my high school graduating class are either getting married or having babies. Do not rush it. Your goals with your partner will look completely different from those of your friend.
- SEND EACH OTHER A LOT OF PICTURES
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Your partner will not always know what you are up to, but pictures are an easy way to communicate that. I know my boyfriend loves to see me with my family, so I take pictures if I go out with my family. It helps him feel like he is here, in a way. I also send pictures whenever I get dressed up because I like seeing how he reacts.
It can be the littlest things to snap a picture of, whether it be your lunch, your new nail set, your cute cat/dog, you at the gym, you with your friends, etc.
- BE HONEST, NO LYING
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You need trust in a long-distance relationship, and trust does not grow upon a lie. If you have even the slightest feeling you are emotionally checked out from the relationship, straight up tell the other person. This is better for both parties because you respect each other enough to tell the truth. Or, if you want something more from your partner, tell them. Communication begins with honesty.
I know my partner trusts me, and I trust him. But, there are some days when we need reassurance, which is a natural feeling driven by human nature. On the other hand, your partner should always want to reassure you.
- LEAN ON EACH OTHER WHEN DAYS ARE REALLY HARD
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Some days are going to be way harder than others. You must feel you can fully break down in front of them if need be. I know for me, my boyfriend is my rock when I get so stressed that I cannot see past it. He told me that I was his first girlfriend that he had cried in front of.
Vulnerability is a beautiful thing in a relationship that you are your partner should both strive for.
- IGNORE THE EXTRA NOISE
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Many people have tried to convince me that I am wasting my time and that this will go nowhere. Ignore the comments from the peanut gallery. Most people do not realize that I am a super busy person anyway, and this relationship works for me right now. Do not get me wrong; I wish I could be physically around him daily, but I am treating this time as an opportunity to build a strong future for us both by working on myself and my career goals.
It can seem lonely at times, but remember what you are doing this for: love. I genuinely believe that love can conquer distance, and if you believe in yourself and your partner, I say go for it! Do not believe what the vast majority of people believe in long-distance relationships — the only opinion that matters is yours.