Situation: You’ve been dating this great guy for almost a year now, who has all of your prerequisites for a future husband. In the words of Millionaire Matchmaker’s Patty Stanger, he has “the five must haves” you absolutely cannot live with out: the brains, the looks, the humor, the style, and the money. It’s a Friday night, and your new boy-toy takes you on a date to your favorite restaurant. You’ve been there more than a dozen times before and are preparing yourself for a wonderful night. As he pulls into the parking lot of the restaurant, you insist on running in and claiming the reservation for the two of you, while he scours the lot for a decent parking spot.
A guy and an elderly woman beat you to the main entrance, and as you try and squeeze past them, you catch this guy’s eye. Your jaw drops so far to the ground, you have to physically pick it back up. It’s your first ever boyfriend, your first love, your first everything. It’s been over four years since you’ve seen him last. He looks the same…but different, in a good way. He still has that brownish-reddish scruff around his chin you used to stroke. You instantly remember the smell of his cologne, his biceps, his…
“Hi Nina, long time no see.”
As you soon as you muster up a response, you feel someone snake their hands around your waist. Oh, it’s just your boyfriend. YOUR BOYFRIEND.
“Joel, hi. This is my friend, I mean boyfriend, Steven.”
They exchange a few hi’s and nice to meet you’s, and after what seemed like an eternity, you locate your table in the corner. Throughout the entire dinner, your mind has been completely out of tune. Your boyfriend has been rambling on and on about this bird that almost flew into his window on his way to work, which normally would make for an entertaining story, but tonight, your mind was elsewhere…along with your heart?
In the wise words of Carrie Bradshaw, “When a relationship dies, do we ever really give up the ghost? Or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past?” Was seeing Joel just a blast from the past? Or did seeing him strike a vein in your heart of hearts? How can you really tell? And if it does mean something more than just a silly encounter, does he feel the same way? All of these ridiculous questions are swarming through your head like millions of lice tearing your head and insides apart.
During the car ride home, Steven asks if you’re okay. You nod, forcing out a yawn to signal your exhaustion. Once you get back to your apartment, you immediately call your best friend Chelsea, describing the entire night in full detail. In the midst of your conversation, you get another call. It’s Joel. He wants to see you, you know, just catch up. You agree to meet at Starbucks on Friday after work. Our “…relationship was long-dead, but with one invitation he was suddenly a presence in my life again. Or had he been there all along?” (Carrie Bradshaw).
“Chels, am I bad person?”
Answer: You are NOT a bad person. I promise. I highly suggest following through with that meeting. You need to; you won’t be able to sleep for the next year if you don’t. Besides, you owe it to Steven. Relationships are always a two-way street, if you aren’t invested in this 110%, he shouldn’t be either. So this get-together could have numerous outcomes, to name a few:
1) He shows up with his buddies, which forces you to remember why you broke up with him in the first place.
2) He strolls in with another guy wearing a Marc Jacobs fedora. “Hi Nina, have you met my partner Dave?”
3) He doesn’t show up.
4) He’s waiting for you, and then goes on to tell you how you remind him of his hermit crab named Wallace.
5) He meets you there, and you fall madly in love with him all over again.
The only real way to know if you still have feelings for this guy is to go into this meeting with a completely open-mind. A lot of times, females tend to dramatize things, where males are masters at compartmentalizing their life. In other words, that moment at the restaurant you were by yourself and seeing him might have just surprised you. It could also mean that at that particular moment, you were a little bored with your relationship, and subconsciously you wanted to see what else was out there. Finally, it may be that, that encounter was a test; a test to see if you were truly committed to your relationship and your boyfriend.
Sure, there are always going to be some sort of feelings there with your “Joel,” because he was your first for just about everything. But now it’s time for you to realize that, by looking into the past…you’re not allowing yourself to move forward with your current boyfriend or even someone else down the road. Just remember to always keep in mind, letting go doesn’t mean giving up… it means moving on, because if something is meant to be, it will be. Come hell or high water.