Got Past in Your Present?

While out at a bar on a Sunday night, I found myself looking out onto the dance floor, searching the crowd for more than one familiar face. The ironic thing was that, even though these faces were different, each of them represented the same thing: my past. Why was I doing this?  Why was I searching the crowd for signs of my past? The chances of me actually running into those certain people at that certain place are the same as my past actually becoming my present again – slim. And yet we all still do it, myself included. We search for our past even though deep down we know we won’t “find” it.
 
Why do we do this? We hold onto memories so tightly and for so long that sometimes it consumes our present and even our future. For me, letting go of a special person from my past feels almost as if that person died. Only it’s worse because I can still communicate with them, I just know that I shouldn’t.

I think that sometimes we hold onto the past because it’s familiar to us. At any moment of loneliness, sadness, or nostalgia, we can transport ourselves a week, a month, a year, four years into the past and feel comfortable again – feel happy again (because that’s usually how we are in those memories, right?). I also believe that holding on is worse than letting go, but at the same time, letting go is harder than holding on. So how are we supposed to win? By holding on, it holds us back from fully enjoying our lives, but we can’t even fathom letting go because it’s just too hard or may even seem impossible. Catch-22 anyone?
 
So what is the solution to this problem? Well, it’s definitely easier said than done. But here are some things that I try to remember for myself:
 

• Delete this person from Facebook, possibly even block them so you can’t look them up or see comments they post to mutual friends

• No texting/Calling/Facebook messaging/Showing up at their door/Walking around campus in places you think they might be/Any contact at all

• Give your phone to a trusted friend if you are drinking and start to think about drunk-texting or calling that person

• Tell yourself that if it is meant to be, it will happen

• Also tell yourself that you are still young, and that years may pass but that does not mean that it will be over forever, and if you never happen to see them again, it was not meant to be

• Allow minimum to no daydreaming, reminiscing, or looking at old momentums

• In fact, put away everything you own that will remind you of this person (or even throw it away if you feel comfortable going that far)

• Try not to think about them before you go to sleep, because this may result in dreaming about that person, and if you are anything like me, you will have extremely vivid dreams and wake up feeling like you actually just saw that person…and this will probably make you feel worse

Unfortunately, there is no magic spell to make you forget someone who was special to you, but I do support the quote “Time heals all wounds.” There are things we can do to make the time more bearable, but in the end it’s Time’s passage that is the solution. I think that if someone has really touched your heart, no amount of time will ever make them disappear completely, but after the right amount of time I think it will make it so you can think about that person and be okay with how things turned out. And you never know, maybe you will even look back on that person in five years, laugh, and say “What the heck was I thinking?!”