Well, my dreams of finding Prince Charming at my local college bar or university’s business building have been utterly squashed. Don’t get me wrong, I did go to college to tap into my limitless potential, growth, independence, and blah, blah, blah, but like many college kids I fell victim to trying to find love somewhere in the mix.
I’ve come to understand that nine times out of 10 the word “love” is not in the typical college male’s vocabulary. Although I used to argue with this point of view, I’ve learned to just let it go; they’re mature adults (sometimes) and can choose the logic they live by. But, I’ve also come to understand that just because they don’t view love to be as much a priority as I do, it’s ok for me to not settle for less: less respect, less growth, and less love in my life. I used to settle and let men walk all over me, but that was before I delved into the world of fictional men that showed me it’s ok to want and expect more from the lovely world of college guys.
I’m not going to pretend to be all-wise about the lessons of love sitting here as a mere junior in college. I’ll still make those less-than-wise decisions that allow the wrong guys to have too much of me, but love is a constant learning process (sometimes one I learn more from than actual schoolwork). Reading just lets me see more quickly and clearly that the bulky, tatted frat king probably isn’t going to give me the happily ever after I’ve always dreamt of (although it is ok to want just one night of fun with the college version of Chris Evans).
Throughout high school, I was never really a reader. I simply had no interest in it. Fast forward to college and I found myself not wanting to continue to waste the free “me time” I had on TikTok, so, I took up reading. I wanted something easy but engaging, and I’m a sucker for spicy movies like Fifty Shades, so I decided romance novels would fuel my fire.
What started as a little hobby quickly became an obsession. Instead of being at Knight’s Library partying, I found myself in bed at 10 p.m. on a Friday night waiting for the star hockey player and girl next door to rip each other’s clothes off. Surprisingly, though, it’s not all about the sex. I mean don’t get me wrong, reading about earth-shattering sex 100% helps fight my urge to run off and have a crazy one-night stand with some random guy, but reading has also made me realize that college guys have much more in their arsenal than just a Snapchat here and there and a “wyd” text at midnight.
Listen, I know most college guys are not going to be like Nate Hawkins or Garrett Graham. These fictional men are just that: fictional, dreamt from a female’s brain just like ours, and although these men should be the standard of how college guys act toward women, from personal experience I’ve learned that their type of gentleman-like behavior is very much the minority. But that doesn’t mean all hope is gone. Due to reading, I now hold men to a higher standard. I speak back to them when they treat me as anything less than how I know I should be treated, never even giving them the time of day unless they truly have earned it, like being there for me through everything even when they don’t get to screw my brains out.
We know that love is never going to be as perfect as the books and movies depict it to be, but I’m starting to think that maybe we should be referencing their playbooks more often. I want a guy to try like these men in my silly, hockey romance books. Take me out on a date that doesn’t consist of takeout at their dorm, introduce me to all their friends, hit the gym together, and walk me to my door. Love is supposed to be hard, but something about this generation in college has made it almost nonexistent and I’m sick of expecting so little from grown men and women.