I was in one of the best relationships I think I’ve ever had. We were compatible, always compromised and had the best communication I’ve ever had in a relationship. It just seemed like a dream come true. I was so excited to spend Valentine’s Day and our first anniversary together, as anyone would in a relationship.
Our relationship came to an end this past February and it really broke my heart. I’ll admit, the first week after, I was a mess. I wasn’t coping well with the breakup in the slightest. I’d be on and off sobbing and crying for several days in a row. While I think this was healthy in a way, I knew, in my heart, I’d be sad for months to come. I tried dating apps to get my mind off of things, and after some unsuccessful dates, I knew it was too soon. My heart was stuck on my ex, and I’m not sure how long that will take to heal.
And now, it’s April. It would’ve been a year since we started dating this month, and I’m not sure how to deal with it. It feels exactly how it felt the day we ended things and like nothing has gotten better. I think my whole issue with this never-ending cycle of feeling this sadness is I don’t hate them. I could never hate them. I love them with all of my heart. I feel like, at least now, that that will never change. And while the relationship’s end was of no fault of either of us, I can’t help but feel like there was something more I could have done.
So, what I’m going to do this month is focus on myself. Not worry about dating, not worry about my ex and try to fulfill what I need to. One thing I’m going to do for sure is eat better. Another thing is to get my sleep schedule on track for a healthier, more well-suited to daily life. Doing this I feel would not only give me a glow but allow room for me to enjoy myself for who I am without feeling tired throughout the day. Using the love from a relationship for my own validation might’ve been my first mistake when the only validation I need is from myself. If I can work on that aspect of self-love and admiration I had for them, and direct it towards myself, then I will grow.
It’s still the one-year anniversary, however. There’s no avoiding that fact. When that day actually comes, it’s not going to be easy. And that’s okay. That despair and sadness still need an outlet, so I will let it flow. Self-care and being healthier, in general, are something I need to rely on and be my own crutch. After all, the most important relationship I have is the one I have with myself. And it should be yours, too.