Let me start off by saying that some people are an open book. I am not one of those people. I am more like a locked diary… hidden in a locked box… under the floorboards… under a bed. With that being said, recently I went through a stage in my relationship where I needed to seek some outside advice. In order for that to happen, I needed to let people into my business; to unlock the diary, if you will. This was quite the experience for me. It taught me a few valuable lessons in asking for and receiving relationship advice.
First you have to think about who you tell your problems to.
My mother provided the wisdom behind this lesson. Unfortunately I did not go to her for advice first which might have saved me from seeking advice from those I shouldn’t.
- There are people who genuinely want you to be happy. They will listen and give advice based on what they will think will ultimately make you the happiest. They will also respect your decision as long as you are, you guessed it, happy.
- There are people who want to give you advice because they feel like they know what’s best. They would like to run your life the way they think fit. These people will listen and advise but may not have your best interest in mind.
- There are people who don’t know what they’re talking about. You may have some people you sought out for advice who have never been in a serious relationship or a situation like yours. While you may appreciate their counsel, remember they’re not coming from a place of experience and empathy but a place of sympathy.
- Finally there are people who will judge you. Their beliefs may come before what’s best for you and what makes you happy. For example, your significant other may have cheated. You may decide to seek advice from someone who firmly believes “once a cheater, always a cheater,” but then decide to forgive your significant other and stay together. You can expect that person you sought out for advice will not agree with your decision and will be forever judging your relationship.
Also, remember the more people you get advice from, the more people know your business, and the more advice you’ll have to sort through when making decisions about your relationship.
You also have to make sure you’re being fair and accurately telling both sides of the relationship problems.
It is so simple to vent all the problems you have with your significant other without truly discussing how you contribute to the relationship problems. After listening to some of the advice I was getting back, I couldn’t help but find I had to keep defending my boyfriend. “He’s really not that bad,” I thought.
But the reason they all saw him like that is first because of their bias as my best friends and family but also because I never told them the things I do to cause problems for us a couple. It’s not all his fault. I had to take responsibility too.
Another thing to consider is to take all the advice with a grain of salt.
Everyone you ask will be giving you advice based on their experiences. As much as they may relate to your situation, no two relationships are the same. You have to be able to decide what applies to your relationship and what doesn’t.
Most importantly make sure, in the end, the decision you make is yours.
After you listen to it all, it may be hard to sort through all the advice, all the stories, all the voices telling you what is right and wrong. But you and only you can decide what is right for you. Choose based on what you think is right and what you think will make you happy. In the end, you’re the one who has to live with your decision.
**I greatly appreciate all the advice from everyone who would listen while I was going through a tough time. I took it all into consideration, sorted out what I thought applied and what didn’t. In the end, my boyfriend and I discussed it and decided to stay together. We are working on things and are really happy right now. And that’s all that matters.