Content warning: This article contains sensitive content surrounding sexual, physical, and verbal violence.
While often thought it can only be found in romantic relationships, every type of relationship can have abusive qualities. Recognizing these characteristics before they escalate is an important step in bringing yourself to a safe space. However, in some settings, it can seem almost impossible to differentiate between what is abuse, and what is normal.
Love is Respect is an organization born from the National Domestic Violence Hotline that provides advice and resources who are seeking guidance on how to navigate their romantic relationships. The organization targets people between the ages of 13 and 26. By empowering young people, Love is Respect aims to prevent the start, or further development, of unhealthy relationship dynamics.
Types of Abuse
The organization places the types of abuse into six distinct categories: physical, emotional and verbal, sexual, financial, digital, and stalking. According to their research, here are some signs your relationship may be unhealthy or abusive, as well as what to do if you are experiencing this form of treatment:
- physical abuse
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Physical abuse does not have to leave a mark on your body to still be unacceptable in relationships.
This category includes an extensive list of potential attacks, including but not limited to someone:
- Preventing you from leaving or going somewhere.
- Scratching, punching, biting, strangling, or other forms of physical attacks.
- Threatening to use an item as a weapon against you.
- Touching any part of your body without consent.
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- Throwing items at you.
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Remember you’re not alone. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, one in four women (24.3%) and one in seven men (13.8%) aged 18 and older in the U.S. have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
If you are experiencing physical abuse, it’s important to remember that unhealthy and abusive relationships typically get worse. To ensure your safety, assess the level of violence this person is using towards you and how that may affect what kind of support you will need to get to a safer position. Love is Respect recommends talking to a trusted person about your situation, obtaining a restraining order, and creating a safety plan.
- Emotional and Verbal Abuse
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This category includes non-physical behaviors like gaslighting and threats, as well as smothering actions like excessive texting and constant monitoring. Unlike physical, this variation does not have to be accompanied by physical violence for it to fit within the title of unhealthy or abusive.
Emotional and verbal abuse could entail:
- Someone putting you down, whether by calling you names, using guilt-tripping tactics, or intentionally attempting to embarrass you in public.
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- Using gaslighting tactics, either by denying past events or conversations, pretending not to understand you, trivializing your feelings, or pushing you to question your recollection of facts.
- Threatening to expose sensitive personal information such as sexual orientation.
- Threatening to harm you, themselves, or others.
- Exhibiting jealous behavior in romantic relationships surrounding who you spend your time with. This is often paired with cheating accusations.
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Emotional and verbal abuse, while not leaving a physical mark, can be detrimental to the victim’s self-esteem. In some cases, being beaten down this way can result in people blaming themselves for their aggressor’s behavior. When navigating these relationships, it’s important to know that this type of abuse can morph into physical attacks, so creating a plan with trusted people or contacting a helpline is crucial.
- Sexual Abuse
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Sexual abuse refers to any behavior that pressures someone into or coerces them to partake in unwanted sexual acts. Slightly different from the aforementioned forms, sexual abuse isn’t always an obvious attack; it is usually performed by someone you already know.
Despite the assumption that those in relationships are incapable of sexual assault towards their partner, sexual abuse can happen to anyone. Love is Respect finds this in relationships among friends-with-benefits and marriages, in addition to happening between acquaintances or strangers.
Characteristics of sexually abusive relationships can include:
- Unwanted kissing, touching, or aggressive sexual activity.
- Sexual contact with someone under the influence of drugs or alcohol, asleep, unconscious, or otherwise unable to provide clear consent.
- Threatening, pressuring, or forcing you into participating in or performing unwanted sexual acts.
- The use of sexual insults.
- Restricting one’s access to birth control, or refusing to use contraception.
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If any of these points seem similar to what you are experiencing, try to get to a place away from your attacker to process what happened. Reaching out to someone you trust, a helpline, or a support group can be a good first step in finding steps forward.
- Financial abuse
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In a more subtle variation, financial abuse has risen in prominence as economic inequality proves to be a major concern for a large fraction of the population.
Financial abuse may manifest as:
- Preventing you from going to work by removing your access to transportation (car keys, car, etc.).
- Getting you fired by harassing you or your coworkers.
- Giving you presents or paying for things, expecting something from you in return.
- Attempting to use finances to control you.
- Preventing you from seeing or accessing shared bank accounts.
- Someone depositing your paycheck into a bank account you cannot access.
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Since financial abuse in relationships is often paired with another variant, reaching out to an organization like love is respect can help you find local resources to help you get back on your feet. Short-term loans to help you leave an abusive relationship are offered by some groups and can be instrumental in getting you to a better place.
- Digital abuse
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With the rise of online dating and dating apps came the unfortunate presence of digital abuse. Often very similar to emotional or verbal abuse, digital abuse takes some of these qualities and puts them in online communication, or takes them to social media.
Digital abuse may entail:
- Someone attempting to dictate who you can and cannot follow or engage with on social media.
- Using social media to track your activities.
- Someone going through your phone without permission to check your texts, history, pictures, or phone records.
- Using any kind of technology to track your location and monitor your activities without consent.
- Sending you negative, threatening, or insulting messages through email or text.
If any of these points seem like something you are experiencing, remember to document any texts or messages that you receive. Having evidence is important, especially if you are considering moving forward with a protection order. Remember that there is a chance that anything you send in response could be shared online, so be careful about what messages you are sending. Avoid any contact with your abuser both in person and in digital settings, if you are still experiencing harassment, consider changing your number, adjusting your social media privacy settings, and blocking them.
- stalking
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Unfortunately, stalking is very prevalent. Love is Respect states that in the United States, stalking is most commonly experienced between the ages of 18 and 24, with roughly 3.4 million cases per year.
Stalking may look like someone:
- Showing up to your home or workplace unannounced and unwanted.
- Manipulating other people to investigate your life, either by gaining access to your friends’ social media accounts or by befriending those close to you in order to gain information.
- Repeatedly making unwanted phone calls to you, your family, coworkers, or friends, often hanging up immediately.
- Using social media to track your activities.
- Sending you unwanted gifts, messages, or letters.
Much like with other forms of abuse, having a safety plan can greatly assist in escaping a stalking situation. Additionally, documenting anything you can and having evidence is crucial for taking legal action against someone. Text messages, videos, unwanted gifts, letters, and social media harassment are all useful pieces of evidence, even if you choose to not take legal action, proof of this happening might be useful in the future.
Workplace Violence
Workplace violence may take similar forms to the aforementioned types of abuse but adjusted to better fit a work environment. This may mean a boss or coworker targeting employees when threatened by their work, resulting in a traumatizing experience. Victims of this form of abuse suffer further once leaving their environment as the financial loss may cause additional stress.
Finding Resources
Whether you’re experiencing abuse from your friends, family, partner, or employer, your safety should always be your top priority, regardless of what’s at stake. Organizations like love is respect have hotlines and text lines to quickly get help. Additionally, UCF students have access to the UCF Cares program as well as CAPS services.
- Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS)
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Free for UCF students, CAPS offers a range of mental health services that may help process unhealthy environments and relationships. With both crisis services and individual counseling available, utilizing this resource while still in school can be a good first step out of a bad situation.
Appointments are available both in person on the UCF main campus or in an online or hybrid format. Students may also drop in Monday through Friday between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.
Scheduling is available online, or by phone at 407-UCF-2811. In the event of an emergency, students may also contact the After-Hours Crisis Line, 407-823-2811 (press 5), which is open at all times.
- UCF Cares
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UCF Cares focuses on safety and well-being services, violence prevention, and mental health support. This is a better option if someone you know may be in an abusive situation, or acting as an abuser themselves.
To refer someone to UCF Cares, call 407-823-5607 or send an email to CareManager@ucf.edu.
Bottom line: abuse is never acceptable. If you are experiencing any form of abuse remember, it’s not your fault. While many people unfortunately come into contact with abusers, taking the steps to get yourself to a safer place, or having a plan, in the event you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship is always important.