Some people are meant to be in our lives for only a short period of time, but that doesn’t make parting any less painful.Â
If you’re anything like me, you are very particular about who you let into your circle. You want to make sure that your new friend is loyal, trustworthy, and dependable. You want to know that this person will support you through thick or thin. You can see yourself reminiscing with them in 20 years, thinking about “the good old days.” You put a lot of love into these select few friends, so when a friendship breakup unfortunately occurs, it feels like you’ve lost a piece of yourself.Â
This past year, I lost three of my best friends in one night, and it almost broke me. The girls who would help do my makeup for parties, plan spontaneous trips to art museums, and host movie nights were no longer my girls. They became the girls that I shared a dorm with.
Considering the universally-recognized journey of self-discovery in our 20s, it’s almost inevitable for friendship breakups to occur. Though it’s hard to admit it, people change. From losing close friends, however, we can learn how to heal and prepare ourselves for future hardships. Sometimes, the most necessary growth comes from the most difficult of times.Â
That said, here are some ways I healed from this past friendship breakup that could help with your own.
- Writing out all the feels
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According to Joshua Smyth, a professor of Biobehavioral Health and Medicine at Penn State University, journaling is an effective coping method and acts as “a tool to put our experiences, thoughts, beliefs, and desires into language, and in doing so it helps us understand and grow and make sense of them.”
What I personally love about journaling is the privacy. You can express whatever is on your mind without fear of someone misinterpreting or judging your words. When you write multiple days, you can easily track the change in feelings, which can help you figure out what stage of healing you’re in. While I prefer the old-fashioned pen-and-paper method, you can also use your Notes app or journaling-based mental health apps like Finch for writing.
- Focusing on Yourself
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After a certain point of grieving, I realized that I could not become myself again without finding sources of joy. If I was in a rut but wanted to cheer myself up, I asked three specific questions: What hobby would I love to do right now? What piece of media would provide me the most comfort right now? What self-care ritual can I perform right now to feel refreshed?
Living in your 20s, prioritizing your well-being is the first step to respecting yourself. The only person you can control is yourself, so do what you know is best for you to distance yourself from the negative.
- understanding the other person’s perspective
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A two-person relationship goes both ways. Taking myself out of the picture and recognizing my ex-friends’ perspectives on our breakup tremendously helped calm any guilt or anxiety.
If they’re the ones who initiated the breakup, do not blame yourself. People have their own motives for things we cannot understand because we are not them. That does not reflect on who you are as a person. If you’re the person who initiated the breakup, remind yourself of what led you to make that decision. Are their morals conflicting with yours? Do you need to protect your peace? Was there something about them that brought out your ugly side? Whatever the reasoning, trust your gut.Â
- Connecting with other people
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I couldn’t have gone through my past breakups without the help of my family and friends. Alongside providing a distraction from the initial sadness, my loved ones reminded me that I am not alone. I was fortunate to learn that so many people cared about me and wanted to see me succeed, and the same goes for you! Additionally, chances are you know someone who has also gone through a friendship breakup, so their experience could provide further solace.
- Trusting cues for life changes
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As Tyler the Creator says in his song NEW MAGIC WAND, “Sometimes you gotta close a door to open a window.” Life in your 20s has become synonymous with exploring different paths, so take your breakup as a sign to try something new.
For instance, I wouldn’t be writing for Her Campus or attending UCF if I didn’t follow the signs after my most recent breakup. By looking forward to what else life has to offer, I’ve become the happiest version of myself in years. You only have one chance on this earth, so pursue what you’ve always dreamed of accomplishing!Â
Friendship breakups are far from easy, but they often provide valuable lessons about ourselves and what we need in our relationships. Embracing change is scary, but it allows us to go through our 20s gracefully and confidently for future obstacles!