You’re in the Pegasus Ballroom in the Student Union at a job fair. You’re dressed in proper collegiate attire, ready to impress your potential future employers. All is going well as you speak to company representatives about your interest in their company and your aptitude for the work they do. Then they hit you with the essential question, “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”
A predominant habit of American culture is to make value judgements based on appropriate timing for life events and milestones. The most prominent setting for this to occur is during conversations and gatherings with family. They almost always mean well and are attempting to motivate you toward your goals by mentioning why you haven’t moved out of your parents’ house yet or why you haven’t brought your new partner home. It’s this imposition of personal timing onto other people that can cause resentment and the opposite result of what was intended.
Family members are not the only ones to be guilty of this practice. We all are capable of judging others based on our ideas of appropriate life timing and should think before we offer unsolicited opinions about when the proper time is for an event. There are many factors that come into play when people are considering a decision and these factors tend to not be accepted and are labeled as “excuses.” A common reason for not making a big life move is that the person does not feel “ready” to do so. I think that many people are apprehensive to accept this reason because it is so subjective to each person. One person may feel ready to get promoted to a demanding position while another person may feel that they are nowhere near ready. Timing and readiness seem to often be at odds with each other. A person may feel ready but the timing is not right to make the move, or the timing may be right, but the person is not ready. It may be beneficial to help the person evaluate why they are not feeling ready and the emotions and circumstances that go along with a big life decision. Many may feel fear of making the wrong choice and so they make no choice at all.
A friend of mine shared her story with me of how she met a nice man a few years ago and began dating him. After a period of time, she realized that she was being controlled by him in many ways but she continued dating him. He would not allow her to go to the gym by herself or hang out with other guy friends without him around. She accepted his treatment of her until she worked up the nerve to leave the relationship. This is an instance where she wasn’t ready to hear from her friends or family that he was not good for her, nor was she ready to leave the comfort and familiarity of being with him. This situation is a tricky one for her loved ones to handle, because imposing their will that she should leave him may have been unwelcome pressure. Although, some pressure is necessary to let her know that staying with him was not a healthy life choice. Ultimately she had to come to that realization herself, as we all have to come to terms with our own choices and when we make them.
Photo credit: Geograph, Chris Denny
Another cultural component is always being compared and comparing oneself to others. This fosters fears of making the wrong decisions. For example, in the CW show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, the main character Rebecca Bunch has a mortal frenemy named Audra Levine. The two of them have been competing and comparing themselves to one another since they were kids in elementary school and continued their feud into adulthood. Their relationship continues to cause each to feel inadequate in similar ways and they even make some life choices based on the opinions of the other and other characters. The lesson here is to strike a balance between judging people for their choice of life timing and allowing them off the hook to not pursue the things they are passionate about. This balance is motivating each other by encouraging and delving into some of the beliefs that contribute to lack of readiness and indecision, without judgement of when they should buy their own Netflix account and stop bumming off of yours.
So when asked the question of “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?” you may feel compelled to give a general answer that you hope to be successful, healthy, and happy. Or you may find yourself thinking that you really don’t have a clue. Time and readiness will tell.
Photo credit for thumbnail photo: Flickr, Stuart Richards