“There it is again, that funny feeling.”
Bo Burnham said this line in “That Funny Feeling.” But what is he referring to? I would describe this feeling as an overwhelming warmth spread throughout my body as I pass and smile at a stranger on the streets. This could also be a feeling of pure serenity, driving among several other cars, knowing each one is carrying someone going to their destination, a feeling I could never find the word for until now.
Sonder is that moment when you discern each person you pass by has a life as complex and intricate as your own. This is a word so random you may have never even heard of it, let alone know you’ve experienced it. Sonder represents the sudden realization everyone is simply just living life.
I used to work in this giant apartment complex with enormous floor-to-ceiling windows. Whenever I would finish my shift at 2 a.m. and head out, I would take a second to look up and just be in the moment. I would notice the people on the balcony sharing stories while smoking a cigarette. I would see the bright screens of a movie or show as someone watched intently. I could spot a person making themselves a meal. What were these people talking about? What was on that person’s TV they were up so late watching? Would the guy cooking be willing to make me a plate while he was at it? I enjoyed standing out there for a second, taking it all in.
A sense of calmness washed over me as I lived in the moment and thought about how every single person in that apartment complex was living life for the first time. Each one had their own story with their struggles, dreams, aspirations, and desires. Whatever their past was and whatever their future held didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because, in the present, they were here.
The people you passed by while going to class or work made choices in their lives both long ago and just this morning that brought them to the same place as you for a fraction of a second. I often wonder when I walk by someone if they could be an important piece in my life. Could the guy I pass by in my lecture hall every day as I walk to my seat be my future husband? Could the girl I said hello to in the halls have the potential of being my best friend? Or could these just be random people who are only here to comfort me in the form of knowing they are around? For a small moment in time, our lives intersect as we come to terms with the idea that people out there are going through life in the same way you are going through yours.
I seek solace in the thought that we all have things that make us unique. We each have personal memories, relationships, daily routines, hopes, and challenges. The people you pass in the store while standing in line are all living a life as vivid as yours.
I have come to find the state of being sonder as a grounding force in my life. It helps me feel more connected to others, even if I never get to stop for a second and get to know them. Sonder ties us all together in a world that’s so big that sometimes makes us feel alone. It reminds us there is a small relief in knowing we get to share humanity with those around us.Â
Life is interconnected by a chain of experiences that tie us together. Sonder reminds us we all share the same human essence. Those we may not agree with or understand come from the same background we do—one each full of life, loss, fears, and hopes. Once we begin to understand all our lives weave together into one tapestry of stories, we start to see the depth of other lives.
That guy who cut you off in traffic this afternoon? Maybe he was rushing to the hospital for the birth of his baby, or maybe he was just a jerk. That server who gave you attitude? Maybe she just had what she felt was the worst day of her life. Regardless of how others act around you, embracing sonder means embracing compassion. It means you allow your heart to feel empathy towards everyone shouldering their joys and sorrows.
To me, sonder is more than a word. It is a feeling of bliss and sadness that I seek out during hard times. To sit there and think about how you are one heartbeat among millions is bittersweet. To understand sonder is to understand both happiness and sadness as you embrace that our experiences are part of a shared human existence.Â
Sonder is like looking through a window on a rainy day—you can see bits and pieces of someone but never enough to fully see the picture. There are so many people we will never get to meet, never get to hear or interact with, never get to touch or hold. People live in their own right, the same way you live in yours. We will never be able to get to know everyone we have ever interacted with. What we can do is appreciate the short time we have with them before parting ways. Sonder invites us to appreciate the reality everyone is carrying something significant with them. We may never be there for each other in the way we might hope to be, but we can keep our hearts open for those we will never get to know.