As a self-proclaimed (and peer-proclaimed) hopeless romantic, I have fallen in love with the day of love. It’s a holiday celebrating what the heart wants as if celebrating such a lovely concept daily wasn’t special enough. It’s been rough, however. Valentine’s Day used to be an upstanding holiday, a competition as to who could get the most candy grams and who gave out the best ones. That was elementary school, the little leagues. Now, it’s all about having someone special as a Valentine. Unfortunately, I’ve been single as long as I’ve been alive, with no Kaitlyn-worshipping prospects in sight. Out of my twenty platonic Valentine’s Days, five of them have been spent anticipating a grand declaration of undying love that may or may not resemble Patrick Verona singing in Ten Things I Hate About You. And out of the five, all five have been awkward and unrequited, at least as far as I’m painfully aware. Is it obvious the odds are stacked against me?
Burning, pining, and perishing on a day about cherishing the love in your life is daunting. So, my love-lost and daydreaming readers, I will be sharing five anecdotes (Disney Channel’s TTI style) about having a crush during the worst time of the year to have one. It may be lonely sometimes, but you’re not alone!
- The time I Pretended I wasn’t going to ask them out despite having the ovaries to do so
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Before I became self-aware, I was a dorky eighth grader in a small Catholic middle school. There’s nothing wrong with being an absolute nerd, but it’s the worst thing in the world when you’re suffering growing pains and early social media use. I (somehow) managed to work up the courage by channeling the greats— Kat Stratford from “10 Things I Hate About You”, Maureen from “Rent”, Joan of Arc from “Catholicism”, and Hermione Granger from “Harry Potter”— all confident women who went for what they wanted. However, I chickened out at the last minute when a “friend” made a particularly rude comment about my reading habits (my nose was always buried in one). Annoyed and prideful, I went back to my book and missed my opportunity entirely to ask out my hopeful valentine.
Don’t do that. If you have finally worked up the courage to ask someone out, do it. Don’t let a peer talk you out of it or diminish your already tender ego. In hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t ask him to be my Valentine. In a graduating class of 28, a lot of eyes were on me anyway. It would’ve been way harder to live down a rejection amongst the bored middle schoolers.
- ThE time I was delusional before it was a thing
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In my freshman year of high school, I was feeling particularly romantic, and I saw my crush not once, not twice, but three times that fateful Valentine’s Day. I spent the rest of the day listening to songs that truly captured the essence of young, unrequited like-like… early Conan Gray. I also watched “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” with my dad, who was half asleep on the couch. Oh, my sweet summer child… I was so hopeful. If the crush you’re dealing with is more of a teehee, lalala hallway crush and less of a screaming into-your-pillow crush, go ahead and watch that lighthearted rom-com. You’ll spend the rest of the day replaying when your crush made eye contact and ran a hand through his hair when you were at your locker after lunch.
- The time I Awkwardly third-wheeled my sister and her Case Study of a boyfriend
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Valentine’s Day my junior year was a weird one. My crush was in drama club with me, and she was the coolest person ever. I was feeling conflicted because I wanted to be her friend but I also wanted to hold hands and do girlfriend things. I made treats for all of my friends just so I could give treats to her, listened to a lot of Girl In Red, and decided to take my mind off of it by observing my sister and her boyfriend.
My lovely sister was planning on breaking up with him (he was weird), and I poked fun at them in my head. Why be jealous of a relationship that was awkward, slightly insecure on his end, and doomed overall? Also, why be jealous when my sister sent a carnation to me instead of her boyfriend? Suck it, you emo wannabe.
- The time I reminded myself that being single isn’t always a bad thing
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Last year, my freshman year of college, I didn’t have a crush on anyone. However, I saw that everyone and their mother were in a relationship of some kind. Whether it was a situationship, a long-distance relationship, or something serious, I wanted it badly. I almost resorted to downloading Tinder, a lawless place that the ickiest of men call home.
To get my mind off of my lack of suitors, I watched “Magic Mike: The Last Dance” in theaters with my bestie boos. Nothing makes you glad to be single like seeing hot people give other hot people lap dances.
Netflix/See-Saw - The time I reflected on my past relationships… or lack thereof
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My crush is a bit more evolved this year than in years in the past. I still want to scream and yank at my hair and skip around simultaneously, but I plan on handling it differently this year. I’m writing about it ;)
But seriously, this current crush makes me want to rip my heart out and stomp on it, so reflecting on little Kaitlyn’s silly moments makes me happy, and reminds me that I’ll get over him if it doesn’t pan out how I want it to. Looking back on my relationship kiddie ride is also helping me understand what I want out of relationships in the future. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a movie date planned with a Mr. Ben and a Mr. Jerry, but the underlying theme will be self-love, not pity party.
Moral of The Story
In my very serious opinion, the key to surviving a Valentine’s Day yearning for a special someone is to not take it seriously. Hanging out and having fun with people you love instead of waiting around for someone to like you back is the best way to honor the holiday.
Just remember, the patron saints of the holiday, St. Valentine and Hershey’s Chocolates, would not want anyone wallowing. Celebrate with the rest of the lovebirds, and don’t let your singledom ruin the holiday (I know it hasn’t ruined it for me).