You know it’s inevitable and yet you still aren’t prepared for the emotional toll it will take on you…is it finals week – or are you going through a bad breakup? I beg to say they don’t differ much from one another…
1. You’ve seen it coming for a while now and you haven’t put much effort in
Finals week:
You have calculated your grade two hundred times to see the lowest possible score you can get without wanting to jump off a balcony. You’re also regretting not reading those chapters your teacher swore would be on the test because you’ve been able to find random Quizlets off the internet thus far. Now it’s game-time and it hits you that you have no idea how you’re going to get through this week.
Breakup:
You’ve practiced what you’re going to say two hundred times and have prepared yourself for any worst case scenarios, like getting thrown off a balcony. You’re regretting not realizing way sooner that this person is totally freaking crazy, when your friends swore that they were. Now it’s game-time and it hits you that you have no idea how you’re going to get through this breakup.
What do you mean it’s cumulative? You haven’t prepared me for this! You’re overwhelmed with emotions when you finally sit down and look over the 85 page study guide review. You make it to page 4 and then have to walk away because your brain hurts and the ink has smeared from all of your pity party crying. You contact all your friends who took that class, or a class close to its name…and beg for any and all resources. At this point, you’re willing to be possessed by a spirit…pending they are well versed in the topic you’re studying. Wigi board anyone?
Breakup:
What do you mean it’s over? I never saw this coming! These are the words that will be followed by overwhelming emotions. You sit them down and go over the 85 reasons the relationship is destined to fail. You make it to reason 4 when you have to walk away because your brain hurts from getting smacked in the head. You contact all your friends who have been through this situation, or one close to it…and beg them to take you out that night. At this point, you’re convinced your newly formed ex is possessed by a spirit because they are blowing up your phone with all kinds of crazy talk.
You breeze through your test and then skim back through to double-check yourself. All of a sudden you start wondering why the hell you chose A and not D. Then you try really hard to think back on every word your professor muttered in class in hopes that you’ll randomly remember a lecture you were texting through. You talk yourself into and out of every single question until you are to the point where you’re unsure if your name is even correct. You count the questions you know you for sure got right and realize you have confidence that you’ll get at least a 25%. This panics you because you needed that 64% you calculated, to pass the class. You’re screwed.
Breakup:
You breeze through the first day, post-break up, and start skimming through your past hook-ups on Facebook to double-check if they’re still single. Then after you see the standard of hook-up buddy you used to settle for, you start wondering why the hell you chose the single life and not your ex. Then you try really hard to think back to every horrible fight you had with them. You talk yourself into and out of every single reason to get back together with them, until you’re unsure of yourself in every possible way. You count the good memories and realize that they only occured about 25% of the time you were in the relationship. Yet, you’re still second-guessing yourself because you already miss getting screwed.
When you walk out of that testing center, hit the submit button, or hand the professor your scantron…you get the urge to run and side-kick jump while you let out a squeal. The world becomes your oyster and you are so consumed with relief that you could care less about your final grades. Binging on Netflix and booze becomes your top priority again.
Breakup:
You’ve reached the point where you’ve found your closure, aren’t receiving ex texts, and have realized you can do whatever the heck you want without permission. You get the urge to run and side- kick jump while you let out a squeal. You can now afford oysters if you please and are so consumed with relief that you could care less about your budget. Binging on Netflix and booze becomes your top priority again.
Both finals week and breaking it off with someone are time consuming, miserable experiences. Both take about a week to get through and can emotionally drain you throughout the process. I pity the fool who ever has to go through both of these at once. So I hope you all survived this week, kept the crazy at “bae”, and only got screwed in a good way!