In a TikTok scene obsessed with Moo Deng, liking suitcases, and knee surgery, the women of the internet have come together once again and gifted us one of the year’s best trends: #womeninmalefields.
A spoof on the usual #womeninSTEM or #womeninbusiness, this new #womeninmalefields is a tongue-in-cheek way for women to expose and laugh at their many toxic experiences dating men.
In short, the trend involves women pretending to do toxic male-coded things toward men they’re dating or flirting with before ending it with the iconic hashtag. “He sent me a paragraph about his feelings, and I replied, ‘I don’t know what you want me to say right now.’” is one of my favorite trend examples. Many have been fans of TikToks or videos with this trend, filling the comments with their own stories or wondering why so many men use the same exact phrases.
The trend has been a great way for women to humorously vent their frustrations on the modern dating scene while highlighting vocal red flags for other women to look out for.
However, the hashtag has been met with pushback, primarily by men (go figure, since men are the ones being made fun of). In retaliation, many men have created their own videos with lines. Some are in good fun, like, “When she asks me if everything is okay, but I say, ‘I’m fine’ and face the car door.’” But others have responded with vitriolic comments on the videos, pinning the blame on women for their own “idk”-esque reactions or resorting to downright bullying.
The response reminds me of the “Man or Bear” trend from earlier in the year, asking women if they would rather be alone in the woods with a bear or a man. Spoiler alert – an overwhelming majority chose the bear. While there were a couple of differing reasons for choosing the bear, most women attributed their choice to the fact that if a bear attacked them, it would be out of natural instinct to protect themselves and their young. In contrast, a human man inciting violence against a woman is done because they want to cause her harm, whether out of rejection, spite, or otherwise. One comment stuck out: “If a bear attacked me, at least no one would ask what clothes I was wearing.”
Rather than reflecting on the why behind the wave of women choosing the bear, a majority of men online viewed it as a personal attack and began claiming women were ‘overreacting’ to the very real reality of the daily threat of sexual assault and violence. Men attempted to paint the bears as more dangerous, mansplaining the bite strength or voracity of a bear, often proving the reason why women chose the bear. The men in this dispute believe that women are approaching this debate as they are, arrogantly overestimating their ability to outrun or fight a bear. But in reality, the women are weighing the odds and the emotional toll of either attack and see the bear’s outcome as less frightening. This is a warning sign that men are (loudly) ignoring.
Back to the #womeninmalefields, men have, once again, formed their own out-of-touch response to the trend with the “Chill Guy” meme. The cartoon dog uses “I’m just a chill guy” to respond to whatever phrase precedes it. It usually represents being calm and collected in the face of pressure or a disappointed girlfriend. An example is, “When she’s yelling cuz you forget to clean the house, but you’re just a chill guy.”
Most of the men reposting or creating their own “Chill Guy” memes use it as retaliation to advocate for their mental health, mock the bare minimum demands of women, or exemplify the “stoic solidarity mindset.” Many men who adopt this stoicism feel they have all the responsibilities of life thrown at them and are forced to maintain a calm head around these situations. This is an interesting take, considering 51% of women feel responsible for cleaning and cooking, compared to only 9-17% of men, according to Gallup.
One thing that worries me about both trends and their connection is the division and resentment they brew. In the aftermath of the recent election (and its ensuing “Your Body, My Choice” movement), the polarization that pits the genders against each other has only deepened, and #womeninmalefields and Chill Guy might only help further divide men and women.
#Womeninmalefields was born out of women’s frustration with repeatedly being treated poorly, especially in romantic settings, due to men’s lack of emotional intelligence. Chill Guy, in response, continues to miss the point of #womeninmalefields, which is begging men to treat women right and to be in tune with their emotions.
Men masking their emotional needs with “I’m just a chill guy” could lead to further resentment, or they can use #womeninmalefields as their final wake-up call.