August 5, 2024, the night before I turned 20:
Just like last year, I’m typing up a storm on my notes app. Except, I’m not at home. I’m in Rieber Terrace 810A lying in my bed, facing a giant poster of Timothée Chalamet’s Wonka.
It’s the last day of being 19. The last year of being a teenager, the last time of being an underclassman in college, and at last I finally feel like shiiii is getting real. Everything feels like it’s my last, it’s the end of an era.
“It’s going to be ok”, I reassure myself. My friends who have already entered their twenties have told me the same thing. I am grateful for the life that I lived during my teenage years, and I have no regrets. To continue last year’s tradition, here are 19 things I learned at 19! Some sprinkles of the good, the bad, and the raw reality of life. All while featuring the cherry on top of childhood nostalgia clips and a trip down memory lane.
lessons about life
1. One day can change your life forever.
You never know if the next day of your life is gonna be the best day of your life. Do you know who you’re going to meet? Do you know what you’re going to learn? Do you know if you will be in the right place at the right time? Do you know if you’re going to discover your next favorite song at karaoke? One decision in just one day can cascade the rest of the “dominos” in your life into place. The last few weeks of my life have been some of my favorites, and it would’ve never been that way if I didn’t live with this motto.
2. if you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re screwed.
Just like Hannah Montana said, “everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days.” I know I have certainly made mistakes and I think it’s amusing to look back at these moments because life is not that serious. Except, it is that serious if you’re a nursing student trying to survive daily 8AMs and a test in each class every day (we cannot laugh at this).
3. If you’re forcing something, it’s not meant to be.
Be like Puck the Shih Tzu, don’t force the wrong pieces into your life!
Being in LA, the ease of seeing everything work out perfectly is common throughout Hollywood and on the big screen, but that’s not necessarily how the world works. Just work on the puzzle of your life and if something doesn’t work, let it be!
4. Don’t be scared of crying.
Just because you’re crying doesn’t necessarily mean you’re sad, unless you’re Kim Kardashian in Bora Bora and lost your $75,000 diamond earrings in the ocean.
Tears allow you to feel your emotions. It’s the 21st century. Feeling overwhelmed with emotions is NORMAL, so push those waterfall of tears out and allow yourself to feel your feelings. The harder days just make the better ones more fun. You will take these lessons with you for the rest of your life.
5. just because you feel the earth shake, it doesn’t mean it’s an earthquake, it could be a firework.
If something happens and it doesn’t go the way that you expected, it’s easy to think that the world is going to end. Maybe you didn’t secure your idealized “dream” job, get accepted into the club that has 1,000,000+ LinkedIn connections, or win the lottery of UCLA apartments (womp womp). This “catastrophe” might feel like a little earthquake in your life or maybe even a scene from “San Andreas”, but this could be the start of a new era and something beautiful like a firework.
6. get help if you need it, no problem is too big or small!
Everyone deserves to be surrounded by people who confidently say “You can count on me like one, two, three. I’ll be there.” I hope everyone in my life knows that is true.
Even if you aren’t absolute besties, you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help. It could be as simple as asking for help with adding 2 + 2 (because you forgot your scientific calculator of course) or as large as moving everything in your dorm into one move-in cart for summer storage (thank you GOAT).
Like my mom always says, “nothing tried, nothing done.” Give everyone a chance. During a difficult period, my friends supported me in a way I would have never expected. The kindness, empathy, and genuine love that they gave me during this time brought us closer together. I am EXTREMELY grateful for each and every person in my life.
7. you snooze, you lose.
Nike’s right, just do it! Some things in life have expiration dates, so take a chance and speak up if you have something to say.
8. everyone deserves happiness, make a change if you’re not.
Just like the song that I used to find annoying in middle school (since it was my mom’s ringtone), there is always a reason to be happy!
If you’re not happy with the current life that you live, think about what you’re doing. Does my routine excite me to start a new day? Am I making progress towards my goals? Does my environment make me the best version of myself? If not, make a change and live the beautiful life you deserve!
Lessons about college
9. your goals might change and that is to be expected.
As we mature, what we want in life might change. This does not diminish the goals that we previously had, but rather it demonstrates self-reflection and personal growth. It just means you’re older, wiser, and you know what you want.
However, maybe you shouldn’t be like Trish from “Austin & Ally” and switch your job like changing clothes, haha!
10. Don’t overcomplicate being roommates.
While being best friends with your roommate might be nice, you don’t need to be absolute best friends with your roommate. Unlike Brandy Melville, being roommates with your best friend, is not a one size fits all situation. Focus on simply living together in a respectful way. This is a living situation, not Liv & Maddie or a marriage.
11. progress is not exponential, it’s like an electrocardiogram.
Clearly, I have spent too much time in my nursing classes and this is the nurse in me speaking. Life is not exponentially positive, but it’s also not a downhill battle. It’s a bumpy battle, filled with some fun highs and not-so-fun lows.
lessons about relationships
12. Don’t be an umbrella for someone who likes rain.
I was deep into the comment section of an “I Love You So” edit to one of my all-time favorite movies, “500 Days of Summer” and one of the comments struck me. It said, “don’t be an umbrella for someone who likes rain.”
Sometimes you might feel the need to share your “umbrella” with someone, even if they like the rain. You might go to great lengths to make it work even if the umbrella is too small for both of you, there are strong winds or a big height difference. The funny thing is, this person might like the rain. Don’t waste your energy and let them be free and happy in the rain.
This isn’t really about umbrellas or about rain.
13. I change, you change. Why would one stay the same? That’s no fun!
This is a lyric from one of my favorite Steve Lacy songs, “Thats No Fun.” Despite this being a longtime favorite song of mine, this concept is something that I had a hard time acknowledging as a 19-year-old college student. Your friends aren’t perfect and you aren’t perfect. Nobody or nothing will ever stay the same. Things might feel different when someone close to you changes, but you need to realize that everyone changes. People evolve and you will evolve. Why would one stay the same? That is quite literally no fun.
14. be comfortable with vulnerability.
Before 19, I can honestly say I was one of the least vulnerable people I knew in the world. To be fair, I was “protecting my peace” and only felt comfortable with opening up to people I truly trusted. However, since then, I have truly learned that you need to be vulnerable in order to connect with people. This creates deep and meaningful relationships. I admit this is still a work in progress and it might be scary to learn that other people disagree with the aphorism you live by, but it is important to share your vulnerable side in order to make long-lasting connections.
15. we’re not here forever, so why live a life making “the crowd” happy?
This is true to an extent! As long as you’re at UCLA, DO NOTTTTT snatch someone’s napkin-reserved spot in the dining hall!
On a more serious note, unlike “High School Musical”, you don’t need to please the entire student body and “stick to the status quo”. You would be surprised, this is still a thing in college! Don’t glue yourself to one clique or feel ashamed to befriend someone just because of a rumor. People can surprise you, so give everyone a chance.
16. If ANYONE wants to, they will.
As a college student and a nursing student at that, I can easily say that it is easy peasy lemon squeezy to get overwhelmed. Despite this, people will make time for the things that are important to them. If your priorities aren’t aligned in a relationship, it’s probably time to reconsider and make adjustments accordingly. You only have four years as an undergrad (god willing) and time is money, so don’t waste it.
17. Don’t hold onto loose threads.
Like loose threads on your sweater, some “loose” friends or acquaintances don’t need to stick around and it’s better to be cut off. Sometimes you might be scared to cut off a “loose thread”, to latch onto formerly important people or things in your life, but sometimes it needs to stay a memory. Step away from toxicity and be grateful for the memories you made.
18. appreciate the time you have together, but also appreciate the space between.
Your friends and relationships are supposed to add to your life, but should not become “your everything.”
Sharing experiences helps to bring you closer to the people who matter, so it might feel sad to be away from them (I did during the summer away from my nursing besties).
However, it is important to appreciate the time you have away from these people. Give yourself the opportunity to be seen from their point of view. Be grateful for your independent time since it forces you to pursue your unique passions and do new things solo. At the end of the day, this life is YOUR life, so sometimes you need to say “solo and yolo.”
19. Find people who make life euphoric!
I am not comparing life to HBO’s Euphoria; however, I do appreciate their unique style choices haha. In actuality, I am saying that you should find the people who bring intense happiness, excitement, and gratitude for simply living life, every day. This takes time and patience, but I am incredibly grateful for this summer because I was able to find more people who make life feel euphoric.
looking forward
I am grateful for the lessons I learned about myself and adulthood throughout my 19th year of life! This has become one of my favorite traditions, even if it is only my second edition.
Hopefully, you found these lessons relatable or they helped to inspire you! Like one of my friends told me “I believe in you AND you should believe in yourself!”
Mark your calendars for next year, you can undoubtedly expect to read 20 things I learned at 20!