We’ve all been there – the long, drawn-out relationship that can hardly be called a relationship because one (or both) of you doesn’t want to commit, or has trust issues, or is too busy to be official or is making up any other excuse under the sun. We don’t want to bring that confusing energy into our Miley Stewart summers, so here are five reminders to help you move on:
- Even if he wanted to, he probably still wouldn’t.
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A lot of people will tell you, “If they wanted to, they would,” but the truth is, people often don’t know what they want. This is particularly true for guys, whose actions tend not to line up with their words. There are a million things that could be stopping someone from pursuing something serious, even if they do have feelings for you, so don’t keep holding out on the off chance that maybe they’ll come around. If you want to be in a relationship, then you deserve someone willing to commit. If you want something casual, then you deserve someone who doesn’t make things more complicated than they are.
- If you cried over them, they’re worse for you than they are good.
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I’m a big frustration crier, so even if I’m not sad I’ll be fighting back tears trying not to pull my hair out. You should never let any man make you cry, especially if he’s not your boyfriend. If this person is confusing you, lying to you or distracting you from more important things in your life, then they are not worth it. Do not waste your tears and emotional energy on someone who makes you feel like crap, regardless of how good the good may be.
- With the right person, it’ll be easy.
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To me, situationships get difficult when you really like a person without necessarily wanting to date them, which means you’re stuck in this relationship purgatory where no one is making a move to be something more, but no one is pulling out either. Not every situationship is like that, though, and some can exist with both people in a mutual understanding of where the relationship lies. The whole reason for not settling down is because dating is hard – your casual fling should not be. The second things stop working out, do not spend any more time forcing everything to fit back together. It’s great if things go well, but if not, just let it go. There will always be another person more willing to provide what you’re looking for.
- It’s better not to be in a relationship at all than it is to be in a taxing one.
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Sometimes, we all need a reminder that our own company is enough. The people in our lives are meant to complement the relationship we have with ourselves, not overcome it and make us feel like we can’t be without them. Maybe you’re toughing through the icks or the red flags because you think being with someone is better than being with no one, but that’s not true. You shouldn’t need anyone to make you feel content with yourself.
Do not give someone boyfriend or girlfriend privileges in your life if they are not giving them to you. When the boundaries of a relationship are not defined, we slip into the dangerous territory of situationships and whatever sort of connection you have with your partner may be hard to salvage from there. It’s important to openly communicate your expectations and your needs, even if it’s casual, to avoid any confusion or hard feelings in the future. And if you do feel it drifting into a direction that you don’t rock with, stop it in its tracks. We’re just here to have fun, so don’t let anyone stop you from doing that.