Dear Girl Dads: We Need To Talk

I have a wonderful father, and I know I am very lucky. He has raised two daughters with thoughtfulness and devotion while passionately committed to his family. My two parents were equally involved in raising my little sister and me, which is drastically different from their all-American childhoods — both had stay-at-home mothers and working fathers who toiled in forbidden studies and drank fancy cocktails after work. 

I recognize my childhood largely lines up with a more progressive line of parenting, where both partners are equally involved. And yet, I would not call my father a #GirlDad. Why would I? I mean technically, yes, my father is a dad with two girls and no sons. If we’re going strictly on basic facts, sure — he’s a Girl Dad. But why would I add extra praise for doing what is expected of every father, raising his children, regardless of how they are born? I wouldn’t call my mom a “Girl Mom,” wouldn’t I? 

I understand the logic behind the name “Girl Dad.” It’s pointing out how the modern dad accepts his children for who they are, even if they are girls, and loves them just as if they were sons. The term gained popularity after the tragic passing of basketball star Kobe Bryant, who was very vocal about his love of being a “Girl Dad” to his four daughters. Among other things, fatherhood has become his legacy. To show their support, Girl Dads everywhere started to flaunt their love of their daughters. 

While well intentioned, it’s a little ridiculous sometimes. Look at this article entitled “16+ Famous Bad Boys Who Became The Biggest Girl Dads” or “15 Celebrity Guys Who Are Nailing It As Girl Dads.” 

It sounds silly in the 21st century, but history is full of evidence to show men’s tendency for favoring sons over daughters.  In the Vox article, “What the virality of #GirlDad says about American fatherhood,” CEO of A Call to Men, Tony Porter, proclaimed men feel as if  “the whole notion of having a son is sometimes to live vicariously through him” in order “to raise him in your likeness.” Societal pressure to have a son (even though it is completely out of their control) has always dominated spheres of traditional masculinity. 

Personally, I believe the praise of the Girl Dad is a pivot from the hyper-masculine father head that feels unaccomplished if he does not have a son. Girl Dads are comfortable being surrounded by femininity. I think this is a very positive thing and shows growth in American culture’s views on gender equality and raising modern families. But I think the term shouldn’t even exist because the behavior it tries to correct shouldn’t even exist in the first place. 

Yes, women have gained great equality in the 21st century. Yes, the next generation of daughters enter society with gender freedom like never before. But why do we praise men for doing their job as fathers, just because he doesn’t have sons? Gold star! Thank you for doing the bare minimum and not neglecting your daughters just because they were not born with male reproductive organs!

This isn’t medieval times. My family’s name is not in danger of falling apart because of a lack of male heir. (Not that my family has an empire to really pass down anyway). I love my Girl Dad, but I hate the idea of his greatness falling on the fact that he doesn’t neglect his children even though they’re both daughters. I am no expert, but that seems a little ridiculous to me.

• culture
• father
• feminism
• girldad
• hot take
• kobe bryant
• open letter
• parenting