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a B&W photo of a girl sitting on a window ledge with the skyline in the background
Kristin Ishaya
Wellness > Mental Health

The Five Stages Of Grief Expressed Through Poetry

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UCLA chapter.

Weā€™ve all heard about the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depressionĀ and acceptance. Weā€™ve probably all experienced them at one point or another, whether we were aware of it or not. Personally, I only really began to notice my grieving period after re-reading some of my old poems and prose thatĀ I had written during the five months following my breakup. Writing helped me cope with my emotions by providing me with a space to relieve myself of these intense feelings. Hereā€™s a closer look into my brain when I was going through the five stages of grief:

Ā 

DENIAL

I refused to accept the reality of the situation when it happened. I kept thinking to myself, ā€œMaybe if I do this, heā€™ll realize he still loves me and come back to me.ā€ I waited and waited with hopeful anticipation at every text, SnapĀ or Instagram DM, yearning to hear his voice say, ā€œI still love you.ā€ But those words were never going to leave his lips because they werenā€™t true. I was trying to sugar-coat the situation to lessen the pain, but it didnā€™t help. I just didnā€™t want to accept the truth, and this poem was born as a result.

ANGER

I started to develop some feelings of anger after my breakup. They werenā€™t all necessarily directed at my ex, but more so at myself and at the world. I was furious that I had let myself get treated so poorly, and I didnā€™t have anyone to blame but myself. I wrote this next poem out of frustration and fury. I felt like I had to always put this ā€˜pretty faceā€™ on for everyone to show that I was doing fine, when in reality, I was not okay. I was hurt and wanted others to feel the pain I was going through.

BARGAINING

Although I did want to move on, I also couldnā€™t help but wonder what my life would have been like if he was still in it. I daydreamed endlessly about still being with him, and my fantasies haunted me in my sleep too. I wanted him back and was willing to do anything. I kept imagining scenarios in my head about how things could have played out differently. ā€œIf only I did thisā€¦ā€ swam around in my mind, drowning me in endless theoretical possibilities that would never come true. I was living in a dream state where things played out the way I wanted them to and not how reality actually dictated.

DEPRESSION

This relationship was my first real relationship, so when it ended, I sank like the Titanic. I was sad for so long following my breakup, and I didnā€™t want to do anything but be with him. It felt like he had stolen a piece of my soul when he left, and I felt incomplete and empty as a result.

ACCEPTANCE

It took me a while to get to this final stage, but I think I have finally achieved acceptance. I no longer wake up with him as the first thought in my head. I still think of him, but not as much as I used to. I am more indifferent towards him now and have come to terms that I donā€™t need a partner to make me feel whole or complete. I am 100% myself all by myself. I donā€™t need anyone else to remind me of who I am. And although I cannot predict or see the future, I know that I will be okay because I am at peace with who I am.

Kristin is a fourth year MCDB major and Film minor who loves to create art and bring a smile to people's faces. You can probably find her at the beach or in bed. Oh, and she is in love with cookies and cartoons.
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