How Taylor Swift Helped Me Get An A In My Class

Disclaimer: I will be mentioning anxious feelings and eating patterns.

Some background: During my time at community college, I was a completely different kind of student. I always put my academics first, even before myself. I remember there would be nights when I would go to sleep at 3AM only to wake up at 4AM to heart palpitations and a sense of overwhelming fear that was enough to keep me studying. I didn’t realize this was an issue because it worked: I had a 4.0 GPA and made the dean’s list every semester. 

I never told anyone this, but UCLA wasn’t my first choice; I wanted something different. I spent my two years at community college excelling in my classes, eating only when I was walking to class, developing anxious tendencies, and letting that fuel me. You can imagine the frustration I felt when I didn’t get what I wanted. 

I look back today and ask myself, “All of that for what?” 

I was so enveloped in this academic cutthroat competition with myself that I didn’t know what my life was outside of school. But thankfully, in the middle of my sadness over not getting what I wanted, I realized that the world didn’t end. No matter what, morning would come and I would get to eat breakfast and try again. 

It was a good thing I applied to other schools…

I had never left home before transferring to UCLA and when I did, I’ll admit I had a little bit of trouble adjusting to a new environment. Thankfully, I’ve been able to meet so many cool and amazing people. I think for the first time in my life, school didn’t dictate every part of my life. This might not be true for everyone, but it’s true for me. Another thing I appreciate about UCLA is that I’m surrounded by all of these different kinds of people, and sure, they’re all really smart, but they’re also really skilled at balancing work and play.

Anyway, I wasn’t doing hot in this one class during my Winter quarter. It was a really interesting class! It included some elements of statistics, which I loved, but also some other challenging topics. This was the quarter I met one of my best friends (she was in the class too); I approached her at a coffee shop and ever since that day, we were in it together. We both struggled, but it was nice because at least I knew I wasn’t alone. 

I remember getting Bs on all of my assignments, maybe one A, and I could feel myself regressing into that unhealthy mindset I had at community college. I felt like I was becoming consumed again, or at least that all of those negative emotions were flooding right back.

In stressful moments, I’ve consistently found comfort in the folklore album, turning to its soothing melodies for peace whenever the stress of this class weighed on me. It was on a walk from a lecture that the song “this is me trying” by Taylor Swift played and I wanted to throw up. It was the perfect type of sadness that described the way I felt at that moment and it’s this very thing I love about music! Sometimes we may find it difficult to express how we feel, but when an artist can perfectly place the words we can’t reach within us, ah! What a euphoric feeling. 

Fast forward to the day of the final exam: I have a tendency to black out whenever I take exams, so I don’t remember what my thought process was like, but I do remember the end. I love it when professors do this, but the last question on the exam asked us to draw or write something creative like a poem or a joke. I started to write a poem that I had made up on the spot, but then I wrote the second verse and the chorus of “this is me trying” by Taylor Swift.

I joke around and say that’s what got me an A on the exam (I still like to believe it), and I also recognize that I chose the best option for me. Instead of pushing people away, pulling all-nighters, and only eating when I had the time, I put myself first for once and without risking myself and my sanity. I was able to get an A the right way: summoning Taylor Swift. (I’m kidding. Kind of.)

But in all seriousness, to whoever is reading this:

Take care of yourself, please. I believe nothing is worth your health and your well-being. Finals are coming up and I hope you take the right and best approaches to tackle exams without sacrificing yourself. I know it’s hard and it’s daunting, but you can do it! I’m rooting for you, stranger. Beautiful things are all around you, whether you see them or not.

• albums
• folklore
• health
• mental health
• music
• study habits
• Taylor Swift
• this is me trying