I remember opening up the MyUCLA gradebook to see how I did on my first college midterm. My family and I were at the hospital visiting my grandma, and I was so nervous that I didn’t even want to check. My mom told me to check my grade in front of the family because my grandma’s presence would give me luck. With reluctance, I opened up the gradebook only to see a D+ staring back at me. It took everything I had inside me not to instantly fall apart in front of my grandma, so I just smiled and said, “I did well.”
My mind instantly embarked on a downward spiral. All those hours I had spent studying had essentially been for nothing. It was hard for me not to compare myself to my friends and peers who were doing well. I fell into the mindset that everyone else was doing amazing, and I was the only one struggling.
During my first year, I was always judging myself according to other people, and I was constantly getting down on myself for not being smart or good enough to even attend UCLA. Failing a midterm wasn’t exactly the best way to rid myself of those insecurities- it just made them worse. I spent precious study time beating myself up for not grasping the material as quickly as I felt I should. Unsurprisingly, as the midterms kept coming, I kept performing poorly. I distinctly remember needing to perform well on a specific test to boost up my grade before finals. When I didn’t get the grade I needed, I had an absolute breakdown. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just get it right? I headed back to my dorm and cried for the remainder of the night. I kept repeating harmful phrases in my head like, “Maybe I should transfer, because I’m clearly too dumb to keep up with everyone else here.” Though it sounds dramatic, I felt hopeless, like I had hit an academic rock bottom.
Maybe some of you had been here before. Maybe some of you beat yourselves up after you don’t perform up to your expectations. Where do you go from there? How can you prioritize your mental health when midterms come by storm? I’m going to share how I learned to take care of my mental health during midterm season. Hopefully you can find some tips in here that might help you!
After my post-midterm meltdown, I realized that I needed to make some drastic changes- fast. Before I could fix any of my study habits, I had to fix my mindset; I wasn’t going to get anywhere with a defeated attitude. And what better way to heal your mind than to practice some self-care? For me, self-care wasn’t doing face masks and taking warm baths. My version of self-care was learning to master the art of being kind to myself.
It definitely wasn’t easy. I had read so many articles about being kind to yourself, but my head was so full of negativity I didn’t even know where to start. Though it sounds strange, I had to condition myself to be kind. Rather than tell myself that I wasn’t smart enough, I began to repeat the phrase “you are not your grade” in my head every single day. I repeated it while studying, while I was taking my exams and whenever I began to stress. I also began to write little notes of encouragement in my planner, so that I could see them and feel proud of myself whenever I completed a task. Eventually, I began to believe it! Little by little, I noticed that my stress levels began to decrease. I was no longer placing an additional burden on myself to perform well; I felt so much lighter after letting it go.
With my mindset improved, the next thing I had to tackle was changing the way I approached my studying during midterms season. In the past, I pulled countless all-nighters, drank bottomless cups of coffee and basically sacrificed my physical and mental health to get an A. I began to study with friends that validated me and made me feel comfortable. I also began setting realistic goals for the day and rewarding myself with some sweets, quality time with friends, or some Netflix when I accomplished them.
An unhealthy study regime is incompatible with protecting your mental health. I encourage you to do whatever you can to make studying a little less daunting. Take breaks, get some fresh air, study with friends drink some water, make fun to-do lists- whatever gets you through!
When the next midterm season rolled around, I felt content in the work I had put in and was prepared to accept any grades I got, good or bad. To my surprise, my grades and quality of work started to improve. Being kinder to myself not only helped my grades, it improved my overall spirit- I was feeling much happier and much more at ease. Now, when that time of quarter hits, I feel calm and ready to take it on.
Getting yourself into a mindset where you can separate your grades and productivity from your self worth takes time and practice. I want to emphasize that what works for one person may not necessarily work for another. It’s very important to find out what helps YOU specifically. There’s never a wrong way to self-care! Whether it’s doing face masks, taking naps, binge-watching Netfilx or it’s a little more serious and involves reaching out to a friend or therapist for help. It’s all valid!
And most importantly, experiencing any form of stress or anxiety about a test or a class does not make you weak. It’s totally normal for the stress of midterm season to get to you, but make sure to take care of yourself FIRST. The rest will fall into place. Good luck to everyone this midterm season, and remember: you are not your grade! We’ve got this!