It’s funny how powerful a one-syllable word can be. But what I am starting to learn is that when it comes to saying “no,” we are the ones who give it and take away its power.
It’s no surprise that I have a hard time saying no.
I’m a “yes” person. I’m the one that everyone relies on when they need help or need advice, and honestly, part of me likes being that person — being able to make a difference in the lives of the people I care about. But, I’ve learned that when it comes to the cost of what is better for you in the long run, you need to take a step back and set boundaries. And that’s where the word “no” comes in.
Coming from a certified overthinker, saying no can seem much bigger than it actually is. It gets you thinking about how the other person would react so much that you begin to think about if you’re being selfish by putting your needs first, or if the inconvenience of the favor is even worth saying no over.
But as hard as it is to believe, you are not being selfish or inconsiderate. If anything, you’re being overly considerate for worrying about all these little details in the first place. If the person really does care about you, they will understand. And if they don’t, they weren’t even worth saying yes to in the first place.
What’s important to understand is saying no gives you power. It puts what your relationship with someone is going to look like in your hands, and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If a friend wants to stay over at your place the weekend before finals week, it is okay to say no if you know it will affect your performance, no matter what guilt-trip method they use. At the end of the day, it is your room, and they will have to respect that.
That is, of course, just one example, but the bottom line of saying no is sticking to it once you’ve said it. Giving in just has the opposite effect and can actually make your feelings less of a concern. It gives others an opportunity to walk all over you. Even worse, it can make you downplay the significance of your own priorities, effectively brainwashing yourself into thinking they are less important.
I have learned that if you go around saying yes to everybody, you will start to lose time for yourself and everyone else, meaning that the relationships you were trying to protect by saying yes will get hurt anyway. This means you are no longer in control of where your time and energy goes, and you aren’t giving it to the person that deserves it the most: yourself.
Think about it this way: it means more when you say yes to the really important things and dedicate yourself to them rather than spreading yourself thin. Going about your life in this way inevitably leads to less frustration and more time for you to rest and recover.
So, let this be a reminder to you and me to say yes to ourselves for a change, so we can prioritize the person we need to look out for the most.