My Experience Navigating The Ups & Downs Of Life

As weird as it may sound, finals week last quarter was one of the happiest times of the year for me. Although I was a bit stressed, I also felt at peace. All I had to worry about was studying, sleeping and eating. And whenever I felt like I needed a break, I just watched an episode of High School Musical: The Musical: The Series. Life was good. My mindset for approaching finals was healthy: do the best I can with the amount of time I have left, and if I fail, oh well. Learn from those mistakes and move on. In less than a week, I would be at home, chilling on the couch with my dog and watching a movie. Life goes on.

But to be honest, the beginning of winter quarter was rough for me. I started off 2020 with high hopes, ready to have a productive year in all aspects of my life. However, for the first few weeks, my mental health was at a low point. I just did not feel like myself, and I had no idea why. Nothing terrible had happened. I tried to pinpoint exactly what went wrong, but nothing was clicking. 

Maybe it was because my schedule was so packed that I barely had any time to sit down and take a breath. Maybe it was because I missed the comfort of being home with family. Maybe it was because I was over-studying for my classes. Maybe it was a combination of several other things. Whatever it was, it felt like I was just going through the motions, drifting from one activity to the other. The problem felt impossible to solve. After all, I was not sad. I was just bored and not excited about anything. 

But, sometimes we just feel the way we feel. I think the most important thing to do when you are in one of these slumps is to remember that it is okay to feel this way. Do not try so hard or expect yourself to automatically snap out of it. This just adds pressure and frustration if things do not work out the way you want them to. Small adjustments are the way to go. The best thing I could do in this situation was make changes little by little, and do more of what was going to make me happy. I had to realize that self love wasn’t selfish. If I needed to simplify my schedule for the benefit of my mental health, so be it.

As I started fixing my schedule, some of the weight on my shoulders began to lift. I was putting less and less pressure on myself, and it felt good. I started re-adopting my mindset from finals week while studying for classes, and I wasn’t as stressed out when taking quizzes. Overall, instead of taking everything so seriously, I learned to relax and just be mindful of my responsibilities. 

I went into the quarter thinking that hanging out with friends wasn’t a priority because I had a lot to get done. Clearly this was an unsustainable mindset. But, fixing my schedule now gave me more room to get my social life back in check. I took the initiative to reach out to friends and surround myself with more people that contributed to my happiness last quarter. As I started going out more, I noticed a boost in my mood. There was not an exact moment when I felt this shift. One day I just realized, “huh, I actually feel pretty good right now.” And although I did not completely feel like my normal self yet, I knew that this was a step in the right direction.

As the weeks went by, I also made sure to slow everything down when life felt like it was moving too fast. This meant doing things as simple as sitting on the hill by Janss steps and staring at the sky. It meant reserving music rooms for singing and playing piano by myself for an hour or two. Whatever I needed to do to take a breath and recollect my thoughts, I did it. 

My mood only got better and better. On top of that, I recently went on a weekend retreat for UCLA’s Samahang Pilipino Education and Retention program where I bonded with so many fun, kind-hearted people who I absolutely love and respect. The weekend was filled with tears, laughter and a whole lot of joy. When I got back to campus, it felt like I had been gone for weeks instead of days. I realized that I felt refreshed and in a much better state than when I left. I felt like myself again. I still don’t know exactly when I started feeling so good, but all that mattered was that I did. 

Looking back on it, I definitely do not think it was a certain something that made my mood so weird. It was just a part of life. I also don’t think it was a certain something that made me feel better. I just continued to make small adjustments (which are different for everyone) and eventually something shifted.

All I can say is that things do get better once you give yourself the time and patience that you deserve. After all, nothing about ourselves stays the same. Not our weight, face shape or even skin clarity, so why would we expect the same of our mental health? Currently, I feel pretty good. But, that isn’t to say that it won’t change in the near future. And I’m okay with that. I’m learning to accept it because those low moments are what truly make me appreciate good times like these. All we can do is keep living our lives and reminding ourselves that we can and will find our way out of the rough patches sooner or later, even if it sometimes does not feel like it. 

• health
• mental health
• self-care
• self-love
• wellness