Last week, my mom visited me at UCLA. We were sharing a coffee at Elysee, the cute little French cafe in Westwood, when she realized she had to go to the bathroom. As I was waiting for her to get back, a lady sitting at an adjacent table turned to me and said, “It’s so beautiful you and your mom are so close; I’m going to call mine now.” I almost teared up. I was stressed about midterms and enrollment, and my mom being there made everything seem okay. The lady was right. I was so lucky. I was about to tell my mom when she got back from the bathroom, but before I could, we almost immediately began to argue about something random (I think it had to do with whether I told her I wanted to study abroad or not). The lady saw it all. After I overcame my initial wave of embarrassment, I wondered whether she knew that all our argument did was prove how close we really were.
When your mom is both, well, your mom, and one of the people you go to for friend-type advice, things inevitably get a little sticky. The fact that my mom knows so much about me is a double-edged sword. She knows my weaknesses, so she knows how to help me. But she also knows my weaknesses, so she knows how to challenge me and, unfortunately, really hurt my feelings in an argument.
My mom, unlike a friend, has been there for me through everything and, most likely, will continue to be for me through everything. That reliability is great when I need advice. I know I can call her and ask her anything, that I can rely on her for support anytime. Because we’re close, she’ll talk to me like a friend and give me advice like a friend. However, there are inevitable reminders of her parenthood. Unsolicited advice is also not uncommon, and when I’m already sad, tired or irritable, it can be quite effective at setting me off. Hence, the arguments. Plus, all that open conversation leaves plenty of room for disagreements, and when you’re comfortable with someone, you’re also more comfortable arguing with them. I do not consider myself a confrontational person at all. In fact, I absolutely hate it. That said, I have no problem disagreeing with my mom.
All in all, though, there is no one else I would rather disagree with. And there is no one else who proves me wrong more. No one has had more of a positive impact on my life than my mom. That’s why, though being “close” with her is complicated, I couldn’t be more grateful.