The scene: a crowded apartment party. The lights are dim, empty cups litter the kitchen, and Jack Harlow bumps through the speakers. You catch the eye of the guy you’ve been crushing on all quarter and begin to chat. At first, everything feels perfect, as he laughs at your jokes and compliments your fit. But then he leans in and something about his voice, something about his posture, just something about his manner triggers a full-body visceral cringe. All of your weeks of pining dissipate, and you’re left searching for an elegant excuse to escape the now excruciating convo. You’ve officially caught the ick.
If you haven’t already seen the ick trending on TikTok, let me break it down for you. The term was popularized on Love Island and generally refers to when you are in the talking stage with someone and they do something that sets off a sudden gut feeling of revulsion. Causes of the ick can range from my party scenario to their Bitmoji usage to their failure to appreciate hummus.
Now, these icks might sound like silly reasons to stop feeling attracted to someone, but as a recent victim of the ick, I can attest to how real this phenomenon is. The ick is widespread and firmly here to stay within Gen-Z dating culture. So, what do you do once you’ve caught it?
The first step in your ick-recovery is assessing if your reaction was a response to an actual red flag. Maybe the ick materialized when you heard them laugh at an offensive joke or mansplain a concept to you. These icks can be indicative of larger problems. Listen to your intuition and leave your former crush in the dust! Some icks are also just examples of a compatibility problem. Say if their taste in movies and music sets off your ick, maybe they’re just not the right match for you. Identifying your ick within one of these two categories can help you channel the cringiness into the productive decision to move on to the next potential partner.
In the case that your ick is milder (like wearing black and navy at the same time), you can just use the feeling to take your crush off of the pedestal you’ve imagined. Minor icks are great for humanizing your crush and reminding you not to take dating too seriously. Infatuation doesn’t feel quite as intimidating or dramatic if you notice that the object of your affection can’t do a cartwheel. Take the feeling in stride and proceed to get to know your crush a bit better.
Other times, catching the ick requires you to interrogate your own actions and values. Was your turn-off rooted in expectations of gender roles? Was the feeling a moment of self-sabotage because you don’t feel deserving of this partner? Take the time to analyze how the ick popped up “out of the blue” to see if it has deeper, internal roots. Once you’ve spent some time reconsidering the ick’s origin, you can decide if it’s still a deal-breaker or if you can see past the initial disgust.
There’s no perfect, cookie-cutter way to deal with when the ick washes over you. The feeling is often confusing, disappointing and frustratingly hard to explain. If and when it does strike, keep in mind these tips for sorting through the ickiness and deciding on your course of action. Navigating the dating scene is tricky, make the ick work for you!