I remember in second grade, my best friend asked me “What’s your favorite word?” I said “Love.” She said, “Oh, but not like love love, like for a boy.” I said with a grin, “No, just love. I love the word love.”
I might have said this at age seven, but outside of immediate family members, I can count the number of meaningful people that I have told “I love you” on one hand. We might jokingly say that in response to an Instagram comment that says “omg gorgeous” and you reply with “i love youuuu.” However, this version of “I Love You” doesn’t hold the same value.
After a recent experience, I said those three words for the first time in a very long time. It might have seemed easy, but I continued to think about it days later and realized that it’s important to overcome the fear of this eight-letter sentence.
Why is it important?
There’s no other combination of words that show you care like “I love you.” Both being on the receiving end and giving end of this can make a world of difference.
You don’t have to be like JJ and Kiara from “Outer Banks” and be in love to say “I love you.” You can tell a friend you love or anyone you truly care about.
5 Common roots of fear
In “19 Things I Learned at 19”, I said, “Be comfortable with vulnerability.” Saying “I love you” is one of the most vulnerable things that can be expressed, so working on becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable is a key piece.
1. You’re fearful that it’s too soon or won’t be reciprocated. You can’t read the other person’s mind, so it may be or may not be. What’s more important is that you can read someone else’s mind. You can read your mind and your mind says that you care about this person. If your mind wants to share how you feel, then you can know that you are reciprocating what your mind is telling you.
2. You’re scared that it would be taken the wrong way. This is completely valid, you don’t want to lose something you care so much about. However, if you really care about someone and want to tell them, you can live your life with no regrets and that’s a beautiful thing. You can have love for someone, but not be in love with them.
3. You’re afraid of making a “binding promise.” This sentence is not a binding promise, it’s meant to show what you’re feeling at the moment. You are not vowing to be together forever overlooking any pain that they might bring later in life. Don’t worry, you’re not unconsciously getting married.
4. You feel like you are making them responsible for your happiness or you are responsible for theirs. Nobody controls your happiness and you should not be in the position to rule over someone else’s happiness either. The people you care about add to your life, they don’t live, love, or laugh for you.
5. You’re not used to discussing your feelings with your family. If you aren’t used to expressing your feelings with family, it won’t be easier to say it to say it to someone who was once a stranger. However, you can take steps towards expressing your feelings.
Work towards it
Saying “I love you” may not come easily or naturally for many, but you can take steps towards becoming comfortable with this emotionally vulnerable expression of care.
Try saying things like:
1. “I’m grateful for you.”
2. “I appreciate you.”
3. “I am happy that you are in my life.”
All of these expressions of care allow you to feel more comfortable sharing feelings before jumping into the heavy eight-letter sentence.
Just say it if you mean it
If you truly want to say “I love you,” say it! Or better yet, channel your inner Patrick Verona and sing it!
If you find yourself constantly thinking about someone or you’re constantly wondering how they’re doing, ask yourself one key question: “Do I truly care about this person with my whole heart and is it worth it spending time thinking about them?” If the answer is yes, you really mean it. So say it, you never know if you will have that opportunity again.