In high school, I thought I knew what it meant to spend a lot of time with my friends. Between classes, practices, and weekend hangouts, I was constantly surrounded by familiar faces. But nothing quite prepared me for the intensity of college friendships.
Unlike high school, where I went home at the end of the day, college meant actually living with my friends. My roommates and I weren’t just hanging out – we were waking each other up for 8 a.m. classes, doing each other’s hair and makeup before going out, and talking long after we should have gone to sleep. The sheer amount of time we spent together made it easy to grow close, in a way that felt completely different from my high school friendships. It was fun, chaotic, and occasionally left me wondering if we spent too much time together (we can now finish each other’s sentences with pretty good accuracy).
But not all college friendships form this way. While living with my roommates naturally brought us closer, friendships outside of my dorm looked a little different. I quickly realized that staying close with people I met in clubs, classes, or other parts of campus took more effort, especially when we didn’t have the built-in convenience of seeing each other every day.
What no one tells you is that college friendships don’t follow a single formula. Some friends become like family overnight, while others take months to truly feel close. Some friendships revolve around shared interests – like a club or major – while others are more about proximity, like the people on your dorm floor. And the hardest lesson of all? Not every friendship lasts forever, and that’s okay.
At first, I thought the friends I made during orientation and in my first quarter would be my best friends for all four years. After all, some of the friendships I made with girls in middle school lasted all through high school and are still going strong. But as time went on, I realized that friendships ebb and flow. The people you go out with on Thursday nights might not be the same ones you call when you’re having a breakdown over a midterm paper (been there). The class friend you sat next to every Tuesday and Thursday during lecture might feel like your closest confidant one quarter but become a distant acquaintance the next. And that’s not a bad thing – it’s just how college works.
The key, I’ve learned, is to let friendships evolve naturally. Sure, in my first quarter, I really tried to put myself out there (as in, said yes to everything and hoped for the best), but now, as a jaded winter-quarter sophomore, I’ve realized the best connections are the ones where both people are actively putting in the effort. Whether it’s planning a weekly dinner to catch up, running into each other in Ackerman and pausing to yap for a bit, or even just sending TikToks that remind you of a conversation you had, small actions can go a long way.
No one tells you that friendships in college require a hell of a lot of balance. You’re managing classes, extracurriculars, work, your personal life, and a sleep schedule (still working on that one) – all while trying to maintain meaningful relationships. Some weeks, you’ll feel surrounded by people while juggling a million things; other weeks, you might feel a little lonely, even on a campus filled with thousands of students. But I’ve come to realize that college isn’t about collecting as many friends as possible – it’s about finding the ones who truly make your experience better.
And if there’s one thing I do know? In college, friendships will change, shift, and sometimes fade, but that doesn’t make them any less meaningful. It’s all part of the experience – learning who’s meant to stay and appreciating those who were there for a season.