I’ve known for years that my little brother would need braces, and he finally got them this year. He didn’t wait long after his appointment before sending me a selfie of his newly installed blue braces. I wasn’t surprised that he was excited about getting braces; he was showing them off to anyone and everyone even our dogs, whom he hunted down to smile at according to my mother. What did surprise me was his sudden dedication to brushing his teeth. What used to be a battle between mother and son became a mere simple reminder, with my brother hurrying to the bathroom.
When I finally snapped out of my surprise and asked my mom how this new development came to be, and she told me my brother was hoping to win a prize the next time he visited the dentist for his check-up. However, he didn’t actually try brushing his teeth properly, just hoped that brushing his teeth would be enough to win him the prize, and not expecting to actually need to provide positive results at this next appointment.
Apparently, the office was holding some sort of raffle for the children, using rewards to encourage them to brush their teeth, with most kids winning a prize just for trying to keep their teeth clean and free of cavities. This got me thinking about how my brother always seems to come back with something from the dentist. It was usually a toothbrush with a cartoon theme he was able to pick out or, in some instances, he would receive a small toy.
I understand gifting toothbrushes, but toys and raffles? When will children have the opportunity to learn if they’re constantly being rewarded?
In many children’s sports teams, all players are given a participation trophy or medal. It doesn’t matter if one player was present for each game and practice, and another missed more games than attended, they all receive some type of reward for being a part of the team. It’s reminiscent of being put in a group for a project, but you do all the work and still, everyone gets an A. How is that fair?
Though competition can be seen a little negatively by some, I think a healthy rivalry between children is an excellent way to encourage students to want better for themselves. Taking away special recognition and competition can teach children that you don’t need to try hard at all because they will be rewarded regardless of their effort. Rewarding children for participating or just showing up, also cheats them from learning valuable life lessons like how to deal with fear, the value of hard work, or how sometimes you just have to do things you don’t like. Not everything in life has to be fun, with a guaranteed reward at the end.
Associate Professor of Sports Management at the University of Virginia, Matthew J Williams, says, “The move for every child on the team to get a participation trophy has come from the new style parent who believes that every player should get a trophy and that players on the team should not be singled out and should feel included. Participation trophies have also become a way for overprotective parents to get their way.” He goes on to say that he believes this participation reward leads children to grow up to be “woefully unprepared for reality” since they have grown up to believe they are winners simply by showing up or trying.
While I understand the need for progress on parenting methods, in the words of my mother, “be a better parent than our own parents,” is all this “support” actually supportive of children’s development? Or does it become detrimental? Rewarding children when they have done nothing promotes a narcissistic point of view of themselves, leading to feelings of entitlement. The drive to succeed, to want more for themselves, is left un-nurtured and personal growth is stunted.
In the words of Hellen Keller, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”