So, it’s that time of year again–spring break has finally arrived and, of course, there is only one place to be. I’m talking about CABO, baby! Cabo San Lucas is a beautiful place where our morals vanish, tequila flows like water, and the sun never sets. Although Cabo trips commence as getaways with your besties, somehow your spring break plans always turn into a hazy week of body shots and one-night stands. While none of us want to be “that girl,” let’s face it, we all are. So before going to Cabo, I want you all to take a step back and prepare yourselves for the types of men you will be encountering in beautiful Mexico. There are 4 species of Cabo-bred male, so pick wisely, ladies!
Guy #1: The Local
Tan skin and a sexy accent–yes, please! Who doesn’t want to dabble in a little foreign fun? Not only does this local know of all of the hot clubs and gorgeous beaches, but he can actually speak the language…that’s Spanish for those of you who are not aware. And best of all, with this guy, what happens in Mexico might actually stay in Mexico.
Guy #2: The Frat Bro
Now this guy we all know much too well. He will be easily identifiable as he will be the one who is wasted, shirtless, and on the prowl by 9 a.m. But, let’s face it, he’s still kind of hot. He will say anything to get your attention, but when he finally does, he’ll likely yell at you to take your top off…don’t do it. And please, try and pick a frat guy that does not go to your school.
Guy #3: The Guido
Although commonly confused with the frat bro, these two types of men are of an entirely different species. Their skin is at least 7 shades darker than what is deemed acceptable human pigment, and only about half of what they say can be understood by the human species. I know we all love Jersey Shore, but do you really want to be the girl that sleeps with a Guido? However, if you do want to be that girl, be careful not to get his bronzer on your new white dress.
Guy #4: The Family Man
Awkward! It’s always a little uncomfortable getting with the guy that is on vacation with his parents and younger siblings, but it happens. Be sympathetic to this guy. He’s probably nice and actually deserves to get laid above anybody else. Nonetheless, please don’t shack it in his room where at any moment his little sister could walk in, leaving his family to answer the uncomfy question of, “Mom, why were Jimmy and that girl wrestling?”
Warning: Photo documentation of Spring Break should be deleted ASAP, use a condom, and please try not to pass out before noon. Sorry, dad! Olé!