A Scaredy Cat Takes On Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights

A chainsaw was in my face, a masked gremlin was chasing me, and a dinosaur was inches away from me. It was like everyone and everything could smell the fear radiating from me. I don’t know what I expected that night, but Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights was an absolute experience. 

Despite my extensive history of going to Disneyland (in the most casual way ever, sorry Disney Adults), I’ve never gone to Universal Studios. It may be silly, but I genuinely didn’t know a thing about it. I mainly purchased my tickets to immerse myself more in the Halloween spirit. I need to get back into my seasonal roots and rebinging Gilmore Girls wasn’t cutting it this year. 

When I got to the park, I was tricked by being welcomed with bright lights, character-themed restaurants, and even a cafe called, “Hello Kitty and Friends.” Wide-eyed and excited, I kept asking those around me, “When does the scary stuff start?” I looked around and noticed the children around me. How scary could this be? I was surrounded by ten-year-olds!

Scare Actors

Upon entry, I was greeted with a dark ambiance. A menacing red hue lit the park and the dark sky didn’t help my nerves. The park has designated Scare Zones where scare actors prowl amongst crowds to jump-scare unsuspecting victims. Unfortunately for me, scare actors will undoubtedly go after people who look terrified. I’ve never been known for my poker face, so I was the perfect target. 

The first section of the park you see when you enter is the Chainsaw Punkz. These are scare actors with chainsaws and terrifying mohawks. I spent my time in the Scare Zones scanning my surroundings to try and spot the actors before they could find me. It was like a game of cat and mouse but the cat has a chainsaw and the mouse has nothing but a Brandy Melville outfit and a whole lot of fear. 

After getting past the Chainsaw Punkz, I was now in Murder of the Crowz. Maybe I’m still recovering from the time a bird bit my finger trying to take my sandwich when I was five, but The Crowz horrified me. They wore crow masks and stood on tall stilts while wearing big trench coats and feathers. If I hadn’t been trembling I would’ve laughed in their faces. 

Eventually, I tried keeping a straight face even when the actors tried to scare me. But then I started thinking about how sad I would be if I was an actor and I couldn’t manage to scare anyone. Somehow now the mouse was sympathizing with the cat… this place was doing things to me. 

Scare rate: 8/10

Fun rate: 6/10

REVENGE OF THE MUMMY 

Hoping for a buffer before attending the scarier attractions, I began with a few rides. My first stop was Revenge of the Mummy. This thrill ride takes you through tombs as you attempt to escape from an evil Mummy named Imhotep. Fast-paced, movement forward and backward, and an expected drop are all components that made this ride enjoyable. 

Scare rate: 6/10

Fun rate: 8/10

TRANSFORMERS – THE RIDE-3D

Afterward, I headed towards Transformers – The Ride-3D. This is another motion ride where you wear 3D glasses and accompany Optimus Prime and Bumblebee to battle Megatron. If I was a kid, this ride would have blown my mind. The ride moves along with the action and immerses you in battle. Since I’m not a kid (and since I noticed when the visuals glitched a little bit), this didn’t rank as high as the previous ride for me. It was still fun nonetheless.

Scare rate: 2/10

Fun rate: 6/10

THE WEEKND: NIGHTMARE TRILOGY

Words cannot describe how incredibly odd this haunted house was. After getting in line, I spent time inside a building featuring a display of The Weeknd. There was a DJ stand with a DJ dancing to The Weeknd’s songs. Was this innovative to help the time pass? Definitely. Was I very confused? Without a doubt. When you enter the haunted house, there are various displays of gorey scenarios including actors portraying The Weeknd. If you hate gore, this isn’t the experience for you. 

I remember walking through a room that depicted The Weeknd giving birth to a mini version of himself and thinking, “Who came up with this?” There were hallways with bright flashing lights that seemed almost meaningless aside from a connection to his song, Blinding Lights. If anyone finds an in-depth analysis of what this haunted house was about, please send it my way. 

In the end, what I took away from this haunted house was that the DJ would do numbers at UCSB frats and that not much is scary about The Weeknd. 

Scare rate: 6/10

Fun rate: 6/10

Jurassic World – The Ride

Needing a cool down from whatever view into The Weeknd’s mind I just experienced, I got into line for Jurassic World – The Ride. What I truly love about this ride is how beautiful yet exhilarating it is. I’m a sucker for water rides, but I couldn’t help noticing how fascinating the dinosaur animatronics were. It was distracting enough to leave me in shock when the final drop in the ride came. If you’re not looking to get wet, I recommend sitting in the middle. Most of the water hit the front of the boat alongside the perimeter. 

Scare rate: 5/10

Fun rate: 9/10

The Simpsons Ride

I only had one real complaint the entire night: the excruciating wait time for this ride. There were about three rooms where I spent over an hour collectively waiting for it to begin. If the wait time had been less, this score would have been more fun. However, the 3D immersion coupled with the fun storyline wasn’t enough to make up for how much my feet hurt by the end of it. 

Scare rate: 0/10

Fun rate: 5/10

Flight of the Hippogriff 

If there is anything I could have skipped, it would be Flight of the Hippogriff. A 45-second roller coaster that goes comically slow added nothing to my night. It wasn’t worth a 15-minute wait in the slightest. 

Scare rate: 0/10 

Fun rate: 3/10

Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey

However, I thoroughly enjoyed Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey. It was another immersive experience, much like the Transformers and Simpsons rides, that took you along a journey with the characters. There was the added bonus of video visuals and scary animatronics though, something that the other immersive rides lacked. 

Scare rate: 3/10

Fun rate: 7/10

Late Night With Chucky

I ended the night by attending Late Night With Chucky, a late-night show hosted by the killer doll himself. Unfortunately, this is also a skip in my opinion. The entire attraction is a promotion for the Chucky show on Peacock. It lasted about fifteen minutes and the jokes didn’t particularly land for me. 

Scare rate: 1/10

Fun rate: 3/10

To Halloween Horror Nights Or Not

Ultimately, I would do it all again. Maybe some attractions weren’t as great as others, perhaps I was too scared to do most of the haunted houses. However, the next time I go, I’ll be ten times more prepared and knowledgeable. Even if I wasn’t fond of Chucky or seeing The Weeknd’s creative vision, I still had more fun than I would’ve sat at home with a blanket fearfully covering my face!

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• halloween
• horror
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