First of all, let me start by saying that when I say “rules” I mean loose guidelines that may help in the dating world, because girls should not feel that they need to follow RULES to impress guys. Second, these are things that I have learned through my own personal dating experiences, you know… things that DID NOT work out in my favor, and things that DID work out in my roommate’s favor (yes, because I did not follow any of the following guidelines I’m forced to face my lame love life while I watch my roommate and her boyfriend’s cuddle fests, it’s great). Anyway, I’m sure you have your own experiences that have led you to your own “rules,” but here are a few of mine that will hopefully save you from having to learn the hard way:
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1.) STOP BEING DESPERATE FOR LOVE.
I think this is a bad habit for many girls. All we ever see on TV and movies is romance. Hell, all we ever see in the real world are couples walking around holding hands. It seems like love is the ultimate key to happiness, which causes us to think that we won’t be happy until we find it. However, I think it’s important to find your own happiness beforehand, leading me to rule #2. Anyway, you know what they say: love happens when you least expect it, meaning when you finally stop looking for it. What is meant to be, will be, so put that jealousy away.
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2.) MAKE SURE THAT YOU’RE NOT IN A VULNERABLE POSITION.
It is absolutely CRUCIAL that you are not in a vulnerable position when you are dating someone. Several girls I know have learned this lil lesson the hard way (including myself, obviously). You should have a life outside of the person you’re dating, whether it be a group of other friends, hobbies, a job, school, etc. If your bf or gf is your absolute world, then what happens if you break up? Truth be told, you end up alone. The person you used to confide in during hard times is the same person you’re not supposed to talk to anymore, and talking to them about the problem they caused (i.e the break-up) seems rather counterproductive.
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3.) CYBERSTALKING WILL ONLY MAKES THINGS WORSE.
Whether you are on good terms or bad, cyberstalking is a no no. We all do it, and the fact that it is so damn easy makes it hard to stop. BUT if you are currently dating the person, it indicates that you don’t trust them, which we all know is a bad sign. If you aren’t dating them, because they are still just a crush or your ex, you are only putting yourself in a vulnerable position. Either you’ll find out something you didn’t want to know, leaving you hurt, or you’re just being unnecessarily nosey. Nipping this habit in the butt will change your life in a very healthy way.
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4.) DON’T BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX.
I’ve mentioned this tip in a previous article, but I’m brining it back up because I find it extremely important. I always want to be friends with my exes, because I hate the idea of losing someone important to me… but every time I do this, it ends up hurting me in the end. Just ask yourself: How will you feel when “your friend” starts dating someone new? This is precisely the reason it doesn’t work. If you seriously don’t have any romantic feelings for them anymore, then it might work — as long as they don’t either — but for the most part, it just won’t. Allow yourself to get on with the break-up process.
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5.) DON’T HAVE SEX WITH HIM RIGHT AWAY.
There is no crime in wanting to have sex with the guy your talking to. The problem is, if you jump into having sex with him too soon, it often creates a “Friends-With-Benefits” situation. Even though he wants you to have sex with him, he won’t take you seriously if you agree to it too soon. Obviously, guys are contradicting themselves without even realizing it. Which means that you have to make them wait for it, even if you want it as bad as they do. Sex is a weapon that must be used wisely.
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6.) FIND A BALANCE IN YOUR GAME PLAY.
I know, yet another complicated rule… but if these rules were obvious, they wouldn’t have to be learned the hard way. People always say that they hate games, but in reality it’s just a natural part of dating as you begin to feel each other out. You have to put this person through some tests and obstacles to find out how they’d be as a potential partner. However, it’s important to find a balance in these games, because if you’re always playing it cool, and pretending you don’t care about things, he starts to think that you really don’t care. This makes him feel that he doesn’t have to try that hard with you. That being said, I believe that games should only be played up until a certain point in a relationship. Once mutual feelings are established, you should just start being yourself so he knows what you’re really like!
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7.) DON’T BE TOO AVAILABLE.
Since we’ve established that game playing is okay (for the most part), your availability can be used as a killer game play. I think that guys are more like girls than they lead on. I think most people, guys and girls, are most attracted to those who are “hard to get”… we all love a good chase. If you turn him down here and there because you’re busy doing other things, you let him know that he is not the center of your universe… even though this will make him wish that he was.
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8.) DON’T HAVE ANY EXPECTATIONS.
When I start to really like a guy, I begin envisioning the way I want things to go with him. This is toxic. If you’re anything like me, you start to have a false sense of who he is and what exactly the two of you are. You begin to fall for this imaginary guy and your imaginary relationship. When things don’t go the way you intended for them to go, you get really disappointed and sad. You can’t help it. Things would go so much smoother if there were no expectations at all. Don’t over-think things, let things happen naturally, be in the moment.
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9.) DROP THEM WHEN THEY ACT LIKE THEY’RE LOSING INTEREST.
This one is rather extreme, and pretty much only applied if you’re in an “Are we? Aren’t we?” situation. Also, if you really like someone, this “rule” is extremely difficult to follow through with. The bottom line is, you can tell when a guy is not interested in you anymore. A lot of girls get attached (I’m strongly included in this category, don’t worry) which is why it is important to work on letting people go when it’s time. Often times, when a guy realizes how attached you really are, he starts to think that you’ll stick around no matter how he treats you. Show him that you won’t! There are two routes you could take. Number One: Confront him. Talk things through because you might be over-thinking things. Number Two: Let Him Go. If you begin to walk away before things have even ended, he will likely start to wonder where his attention went. If he’s worth it, he’ll go after you. If he isn’t worth it, and he doesn’t go after you, you can be assured that you made the right decision.
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Like I said, these “rules” are based on my own experiences, and if they don’t apply to you, then they don’t. But if I’ve saved anyone from learning these lessons the hard way then I feel as though I’ve done my job!