This week, our land of the free and home of the brave attained numerous achievements—some honorable and virtuous and others comically inconsequential. Let’s take a look at the what the US of A was up to this week…
Awards for America’s Most News-Worthy Events:
1. Women now legally permitted to serve in combat:
On Thursday, Leon E. Panetta signed an order at the Pentagon to allow women to serve in ground combat units for the first time in U.S. military history—a goal Panetta was determined to accomplish before resigning as secretary of Defense. Panetta’s order eliminates the last legal gender barrier in America’s armed forces. Women in service are now able to attain promotions and positions in higher ranks, promoting gender equality in a historically unequal division of labor.
2. Rhode Island passes same-sex marriage bill:
This Thursday, the Rhode Island House of Representatives passed a bill to legalize same-sex marriage, now leaving the bill’s legalization up to the vote of the Senate. Rhode Island is the only New England state that does not allow for same-sex marriage—if the Senate agrees to the House’s bill, New England will become a haven for legal same-sex marriage.
3. Hillary Clinton’s long-awaited testimony of the Benghazi attack:
On Wednesday, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton responded to Republican critics’ controversial and combative questions regarding the September terrorist attack in Libya that killed the U.S. ambassador and three other Americans, stating, “As I have said many times since September 11, I take responsibility.” Conservative Republicans criticized Clinton on the lack of security at the diplomatic compound in Benghazi, where four of our Americans were murdered. In addition, Clinton was questioned about the erroneous account that the U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice provided, claiming that the attack was a response to an anti-Islam film produced in the United States.
4. U.S. says they will act on North Korea’s flagrant threats
The White House has signaled for new penalties after Pyongyang claimed that its missiles and nuclear program are planned to target the United States.
5. Obama names new White House chief of staff
President Obama has named Denis R. McDonough, his longtime aide as well as present principal deputy national security adviser, his new White House chief of staff. Obama expresses, “I have been counting on Denis for nearly a decade.”
Awards for America’s Largest Waste of Space in a Newspaper, Magazine, or Online News Source:
1. Lego has been accused of racism by Turkish community:
The Turkish community is furious over Lego’s Star Wars model as it supposedly resembles one of Istanbul’s most revered mosques. Austria’s Turkish community stated that the Star Wars model attempted to replicate the Hagia Sophia mosque in Istanbul, and that the model’s figures represented Eastern Asians as people with “deceitful and criminal personalities”…darn childhood games and their subliminal messaging.
2. Paula Deen’s family drops 178 lbs:
What happened to the butter??! Paula, her husband Michael, and her two sons Bobby and Jamie have lost a combined 178 lbs by each sticking to tailor-made diets and exercise routines. After receiving a diabetes diagnosis, facing a potential knee surgery, and combating countless health issues, the Deen family realized it was time to exchange the butter for low-carb, high-protein diets. I wonder if their newfound healthy lifestyles will affect their high-butter-high-fat-southern-style cooking shows…let’s hope not.
3. Gatorade removes flame retardant from their sports drinks:
Brominated vegetable oil, a synthetic chemical that has been patented in Europe as a flame retardent, has been removed from Gatorade and its rival Powerade. No wonder Olympians move so quickly—they’re trying not to catch on fire. Clever, Gatorade, very clever.
4. McDonald’s now serves certifiably sustainable fish:
After seeing images of the infamous Mickey D’s chicken nugget meat paste (which really looked like strawberry soft-serve), I don’t care how sustainable the fish is—it’s certifiably disgusting.
5. LL Cool J speaks out about home intruder:
Back in August 2012, LL Cool J spoke to the media about a burglar that broke into his L.A. home. However, what he failed to mention, until earlier this week, was he punched the intruder in the face, breaking his nose and jaw and rendering him immobile until the police arrived. LL Cool JJ may not be able to sing, rap, or act, but he sure knows how to whoop some butt.
Good stuff, America.