Constantly Caffeinated: A Wake-Up Call On My Caffeine Addiction

Disclaimer: I am currently writing this at 2 a.m., wired on about 150 mg of caffeine from a Guayaki Yerba Mate. I apologize if any of this is illegible, unintelligible, or just straight-up weird — it’s indicative of my late night delirium and excessive amounts of caffeine coursing through my veins.

‘Twas the evening before my 20th birthday, and I was absolutely swamped. I had about 100 pages of readings to catch up on, a slideshow presentation due the next day that I hadn’t started, and my first deadline on a big-ticket feature article due for my magazine writing class (shoutout WRIT107M), which just so happened to coincide with the worst writer’s block of my college career. By just 7 p.m., it was clear — this was going to be an all-nighter. 

Which is how I found myself in the kitchen at midnight, warming up my Keurig for what was going to be my fourth cup of coffee during that study sesh. I knew that coffee would be the one thing to keep me going.

Except this time, something was different. Perhaps it was the massive load of work, my high levels of stress, or… drinking four cups of coffee in a row… but my body went into a full-blown panic. My eyes were twitching, my legs were shaking, my heart was pounding at a speed so fast, I thought I might explode. Worst of all — the insanely high levels of caffeine in my system kept me awake for the next 24 hours. I was so exhausted the next day, I don’t remember anything from my 20th birthday. 

What was meant to fuel my late night studying ended up rendering me practically unable to function, ruining my mood, health, and birthday in the process. That night wasn’t the wake-up call. It was the day after my birthday, waking up and realizing I had no recollection of the day before, when I realized I had a problem. 

 My coffee-drinking habits are no secret to myself and the people around me. For example, my brother once told me, “Lauren, no offense, but when you don’t drink coffee … you’re kind of mean.” In response, I called him a loser and made fun of his shoes. I had not drank my morning coffee yet. 

I don’t blame him for saying that. How can I? He was right — when I don’t drink coffee, I am mean. I’m grumpy and impatient, catty and snarky, snippy and expressive. I yawn every two minutes and zone out 24/7, my eyes twitch with exhaustion, my back is slouched in a permanent hunch. 

But when I drink coffee, I’m practically invincible. Anything and everything is possible, from running a mile to finishing all of my POLS15 coding problem sets in one night. With just a sip, my brain is instantly wired, focused, and ready to work. Drinking coffee unlocked a superpower in me, productivity coursing through my veins and fueling me throughout the day. 

I am my absolute best self with an iced vanilla latte (with oat milk, of course), and I am my worst possible self without. But evidently, the permanent cup of coffee in my hand that has been my greatest companion through college has now become my greatest enemy. 

It’s not entirely my fault — caffeine is addictive. Caffeine triggers the release of dopamine in the brain’s reward system, creating a reward cycle that encourages consumers to continue consuming to experience that same level of feel-good happiness. It’s the most commonly used drug worldwide, adding an extra kick of energy to iced lattes, teas, and sodas. 

But with a caffeine addiction, your caffeine use negatively impacts your day-to-day life. And when you try to reduce or stop caffeine intake, your body suffers the consequences. This is something known as caffeine withdrawal — those attempting to ween off caffeine often experience extreme fatigue, headaches, and irritability. 

Caffeine is a stimulant, inhabiting a slew of symptoms such as dizziness, shakiness, and nervousness and overworking your brain and nervous system. It’s also a crutch to cope with fatigue and insomnia, continuing to reinforce the caffeinated cycle. 

I’m a prime example of this, as I am 100% reliant on my daily cup (or four cups) of coffee. But as my body and brain continues to suffer at my own doing, I’ve been inspired to start curbing my addiction. Since turning 20, I’ve been lowering my caffeine intake… in small increments, but lower nonetheless. It’s better to taper off your caffeine dose then quit cold turkey — stopping abruptly can result in withdrawal symptoms (A.K.A.: the worst headache of your life).

This process hasn’t been flawless. I did have to drink a Yerba Mate in order to stay awake while writing this article. Ironic, I know. But it’s more about mindfulness and awareness. My recent coffee-related crash-out made me realize that I’m not immune to the detrimental effects of caffeine. And at just 20 years old, I should be taking the steps to properly care for my body, my mind, and my overall health before my addiction worsens. 

I’ll give my Keurig a break tomorrow morning.

• coffee
• college
• health