I’m on my tiptoes and leaning over the sink. My face is mere centimeters away from the mirror. My elbows are jutting out, readjusting every which way for me to get the right angle. But we both know: there is no right angle.
There never is.
Pop!
I feel a rush of relief, but then it’s quickly overtaken by regret as I see blood begin to draw to the surface. There’s no way to pick and dig at your face without forming a scab. It’s a cycle. I pop the pimple, admonish myself as I see the scar on my face for weeks, and then pop another — sometimes even while the other scar stares right back at me in the mirror.
Obviously, losing someone near and dear to you could never be equivalent to something as surface-level as acne. But there may be some similarities worth noting.
staring at my reflection
An odd life it is, prioritizing the momentary relief over the momentary pain of seeing the pimple sit on my face. And yet, I do it nearly every time I see a pimple materialize. The urge to get rid of it as soon as possible is often stronger than the will to leave it be.
Ironic, isn’t it? Every night I face the mirror, finding myself poking and prodding unnecessarily at my face, but I don’t take the time to really reflect. The lesson remains unlearned, reminders of my blunders peppered across my face. Finally, I came to begrudgingly realize: Why do I expect a new outcome when I’m doing the same thing over and over again?
Re-contacting an ex and trying to keep them in your life may prolong the wound of their absence. Popping a pimple and scratching at the scab may have the same effect.
Living through high school and college has been a tumultuous journey, to say the least. I’ve lost both boyfriends and friends along the way. However, as I grew older, took the necessary time to heal, and resisted the urge to reopen the wounds of past relationships, I found myself able to move forward. By refusing to let my past continue to seep into my present and future, gaining my own sense of closure became doable.
Every now and then, the grief of losing someone you were once close to gnaws at your stomach, and your fingers itch to send a text that feels all too easy to send. But with time, it gets easier to resist.
it will go away if you let it
This year, as I’m almost turning 20 and looking back on my teenage life, it has been full of pimples and people that I refused to let go. As friendships and relationships have ended, my skin has never been clear at any point of it.
I always found myself picking back at the spot that I would never let heal. Dwelling on where I went wrong, on how I could fix things, and figuring out how to reach out would entrap me in this agonizing void.
When it comes to relationships, both platonic and romantic, people often seek closure — a clean, definitive ending. But I’ve come to stop and think: when has an ending to something or someone you’ve lost ever truly felt good? And what does closure even mean?
For now, I have come to interpret “closure” as the individual acceptance of the circumstances; it’s something that can be helped by others but cannot be granted by the person that you’re seeking closure from. Closure is gained from within.
And so, admittedly begrudgingly, I try to come to my own terms with the loss of someone that was once important to me. In knowing when to toss in the towel and in moving forward, I believe I save myself further heartache despite how difficult it may be.
The same goes for coming to terms with my acne. With the acceptance of temporary pimples for long-term, clear skin, I temper the fuss over trying to get rid of them as quickly as possible.
Better Use of your hands
Hands off! Back away from the mirror and exit out of your Messages app. My advice is to turn toward other therapeutic outlets.
For me, I indulge in pimple-popping videos on TikTok or other sensory videos and live vicariously through the screen to satiate the need for anything more.
But missing an ex is likely going to be more complicated than that. Everyone has their own ways of moving on. However, if you feel that you really have the need to send a message, consider turning to The Unsent Project. You can send brief messages anonymously and dedicate them to any name. This way, you may get the words out without having to actually contact the person.
Ending relationships and friendships is never easy, and dealing with the aftermath is something that I, too, have struggled with. Somehow, I have tried to reduce popping pimples and the want to text someone that should no longer be in my life. Again, there is no clear cut way of navigating breakups or breakouts, so this is just some general advice that I try my best to adhere to.
And if by any chance you are an ex-boyfriend of mine reading this, just know: I’d rather let my skin clear up.