We see it constantly in the media—in television shows such as King of Queens, Modern Family, Big Bang Theory, and Cougartown—inter-sex dyads in which the female is exponentially better looking than the male. After three years, I have noticed this same phenomenon in our very own Isla Vista. It seems common that a beautiful blonde is paired with an average lookin’ fella. Its prevalence is widespread, yet not well understood. Why is this happening? I believe this phenomenon, the “Mediocre Male Marvel,” is caused by another type of Isla Vista phenomenon—the “Isla Vista Vortex.” The Isla Vista Vortex changes chivalrous, well-mannered males into want-to-be-frat-star players. This alteration occurs during the males’ freshman year, when they discover that us girls, for an unascertained explanation, are no longer attracted to nice guys—we instead are looking for a guy that we cannot bring home to meet our families, a guy that won’t open our door, and a guy that we know won’t be there in the morning when we wake up (#winning). So, you see, this Isla Vista Vortex can be attributed to a similar, female modification to the Isla Vista world during their freshman year—these males are simply trying to adapt.
However, somewhere around the middle of our sophomore years, us girls come to the profound realization that we no longer want to spend our time chasing players, and, instead, we want to be chased by some nice guys…a truly shocking revelation. The remaining nice guys are those who successfully averted the Isla Vista Vortex or those who came through the Isla Vista Vortex full circle and have returned to their original selves. Since these males were never/are no longer being subjected to the vortex’s physical transformation (extensive amount of protein powder, tri-daily gym sessions, and obligatory tanning hours) the jaded female eyes of Isla Vista see these males as “mediocre.” In reality, these males are way above average—in both looks and personality. In addition, these “nice guys” have established a set of social skills that enable them to have a legitimate conversation with a female—a conversation that consists of more than just the guy’s gym routine or his latest, charming story of another Great American Challenge…poor guy can never quite figure out that puzzle. These “mediocre male marvels” are the guys who lock down the beautiful, beach babes, while the vortex-ed, meatheads are busy with their debatably innocent bromances and 4 Lokos. Nice guys never finish last—check the scoreboard.