Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UCSB chapter.

Growing up certainly has the perks of more freedom, more independence, and more opportunities; on the other hand, growing up also means so many more memories of places that are no longer the same, people who have come and left, times of joy and happiness, and moments of pain and heartbreak. Life continually changes even if we ourselves are not ready or willing to change along with it, yet here are three tips that may help with the process. 

1. Let go of the fantasy.

 

The mixture of happiness for your past and of sadness for what is no longer there, nostalgia is a complicated emotion. Looking back on the past, we may often believe that things were so much better before – we were happier before. Yet time has the tendency to distort our memories. The pain of the past tends to fade more quickly than does the happiness as painful memories are shifted to the background and we may find ourselves longing for the “good times” when those “good times” never really existed in reality. The mind is trying to heal the heart, but the problem with that is that we forget what actually happened or who the person really was and idealize what we wanted it or the person to be. The point here is not to stay bitter or angry, but to remember the full truth of what actually happened and not be caught up in what could have or should have been. 

2. Accept, rather than suppress. 

 

Feeling distorted with a full range of emotions is completely and infinitely okay. Whatever emotion it is, it is essential to open up to it and allow such feelings of grief, hate, anger, fear, shame, disappointment or regret. Suppression is a lost cause; thus, acknowledgment, while painful, is often a better method because sometimes the only thing we can do is to accept our feelings so we can let them go.

3. Finally. . . follow happiness. 

There is so much in this world to appreciate, to love, and to cry over, all of which can slip through our fingertips if we allow ourselves to stay stuck within ourselves and our past. Painting, cooking, dancing, swimming, writing, running – these things can make us feel alive and in the moment. We should embrace our past, yet not let it control who we are now. 

All images via chibird  

Dede Ahn

UCSB '20

Dede is a first year English major at UCSB. 
Her Campus Placeholder Avatar
Hi, Collegiettes! I'm Carmen, a Communication major at University of California, Santa Barbara and one of two Campus Correspondents for UCSB. I would love to one day work in either fashion, food, tech, financial services or philanthropy. My dream is to find a job that somehow combines several of those elements. Until I get there, I'll be munching on copious amounts of Trader Joe's dried mango, jamming out to my man, Frank Sinatra, and focusing on creating intriguing content! If you like my writing, talk to me. ;)