“I am a twin.”
What an awesome ice-breaker. While I, too, detest being put on the spot to “tell us something interesting about yourself,” I always feel a slight sense of reassurance at the knowledge that I can whip this fact out about myself without too much thought, without too much sweaty-palmed, quaky-voiced, deliberation. I am a twin. Yes, it is as awesome as you imagine. (No, we don’t trade places on a regular basis.)
There are a few things I would like to share about my experience as a twin, both positive and negative.
Let’s start with the negative. (Saving the best for last.)
1. The Constant Comparison
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked “which one is the evil twin…go on…you know the answer…” Actually, I don’t. I don’t know what that means. Neither of us is evil. Leave me alone.
It’s also a little disheartening to have your sister referred to as “the pretty one,” “the feminine one,” or the “more outgoing one.” I am a person, with feelings, and being a twin does not make it okay for anyone to compare me to my sister in terms that objectify and reduce us to superficial qualities that do nothing to capture who we are as individuals.
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2. The Dependency Issues
Unfortunately, the presence of an “other half” makes it extremely difficult to become your own person. Growing up, we tended to cling on to one another. We had the same classes, the same friends, the same interests, which made it challenging to muster up the confidence to handle life on our own. Without my sister, I felt naked, scared to speak up, like I was in the spotlight. I have slowly gotten used to being on my own now that my sister and I attend different colleges, but even today I struggle with the feeling of being intensely alone, hyper-aware of and self-conscious about my actions, without her by my side.
3. The “Twin Questions”
“Do you like being a twin?” “What’s it like to be a twin?” “Are you guys, like, super close?” “Who’s older?” “Did you guys dress the same when you were younger?” “Do you switch places all the time?” “Are you guys gonna marry twins?” “Do people have trouble telling you apart?”
All of which are typically followed by: “Do you get asked that a lot?”
Yes. All the time, in fact.
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4. People Can’t Tell Us Apart
Fellow twins, you will know what I mean, and you will be shaking your heads and rolling your eyes right along with me. There’s nothing more annoying than witnessing the familiar confusion that sets in behind someone’s eyes as they shake first yours, and then your sister’s hand, desperately attempting to match the correct name with the correct face, of course, to no avail. They pretend they got it, they’re a freaking twin genius, no problem whatsoever… and yet, the rest of the evening they refer to you as “sweetheart,” or uncomfortably trail off before they find themselves in the ever-so-awkward position of addressing you by the wrong name:
“Hey, can you pass the salt, …um…” *eyes suddenly dart away from yours* “…someone…?” * nervously clears throat *
No, you may not have the salt.
I’ve also had a tennis coach refuse to address me by name unless I smiled at him first. Apparently he thought he could tell my sister and I apart by our smiles. He was only right approximately half the time, but he didn’t know that. (Insert evil laugh here).
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While there are some drawbacks to going through life as a twin, there are definitely way more positives! Here are 3:
1. Having a Best Friend
There’s nothing quite like the relationship between identical twins. While I’m sure there is plenty of variation from pair to pair, the close nature of the relationship I share with my sister is something I know transcends even the closest of friendships. We know everything about one another, and better yet, have shared many of our most formative experiences with each other. We like the same foods, watch the same shows, have the same sense of humor, all of which make it extremely easy to get along with each other. It sounds cheesy, but I know she’ll always have my back and I’ll always have hers, because that’s just the way it is with us. Fun fact though: my sister and I never hug. Fellow twins, is this weird? Do you hug your twin? For us it feels unnecessary because we know how the other one feels, we don’t really need to physically express it. I guess we’re not quite like your typically best friends in this way.
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2. The Next-Level Inside Jokes
Yes, best friends will relate to this as well, but going through life since birth with another person provides ample material for the hilarious little things that only the other twin understands. I’ve spent many a class period with tears streaming down my cheeks, stifling laughter due to a passing remark a teacher made that reminded my sister and I of an inside joke we shared. All it took was a glance to my left, a little smirk from my sister giving me recognition that she heard it too, and it was all over. RIP my abs as I clenched my entire core trying not to disrupt my oblivious peers from their learning endeavors. LOL (literally).
3. The Telepathy
Okay, this isn’t a real phenomenon, but I will say that some of the thoughts my sister and I have shared over the years are uncanny. Something about spending our lives together has put us on the same wavelength, making it easy for us to know what the other is thinking without any conversation. We can tell when one of us is irritated, embarrassed, or hangry just by looking at the other- and we know why, who made us feel that way, and what snack we will be having later to cure the stomach-grumbling induced anger. And while I can’t say that we can literally read each other’s minds, I can say that we have and continue to this day to blurt out entire sentences that are word for word the exact same in response to something another person has said- it creeps us out too! This often results in nervous laughter from the people we’re talking to, and awkward giggles from the two of us. We know it’s weird, but we can’t help it! And you can definitely expect us to be bobbing our heads along to the same song that’s been stuck in our heads all day. It’s a mystery to us, but it’s also freaking cool.
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While fielding the constant twin questions can sometimes be a little annoying, the positives of being a twin far outweigh the negatives. For instance, I know that the relationship I have with my sister has been and will always be the most stable relationship in my life, and it’s comforting to know that no matter what changes occur throughout my lifetime, I will always be a twin. So bring on the double-takes when the two of us walk by, and toss all your, “you know, my cousin’s half-sister had twins” remarks our way, we can handle it. We’re in it together.
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