As most of us UCSB-goers have heard, we have just been dubbed number ten on “Playboy’s List of Top Party Schools of 2011.” I am sure that we have all experienced Isla Vista’s nightlife in some capacity, whether that experience has been in a positive and negative light. What my “field research” has elucidated to me is that you during a night out in I.V. you are guaranteed to encounter at least a few of these ten types of guys:
1.) The Creeper
You have never seen this guy in your life and could swear that he does not even attend UCSB; but he insists that you two know each other and should go hang out at his friend’s “super fun kegger.” An immensely popular sub-group of The Creeper is known as “The Cat-Caller” and in my experience this typology of I.V. male species accumulates to about 25% of what you see on a night out. The Creeper yells inappropriate comments to you from all areas; whether they are walking right past you or are screaming to you from a balcony their volume, intensity, and repulsion levels remain the same.
2.) The Frat Guy
The Frat Guy is a common proponent of the I.V. nightlife and travels in a pack with his brothers advertising his house party to strictly females. If you’re a male and are not in this guy’s frat-do not even attempt to enter his party, unless you’re looking for an inarticulate, testosterone-filled fight.
3.) The Out-of-Towner
The Out-of-Towner is easily spotted–he’s usually the guy who is in handcuffs, in the back of a cop car, blatantly walking around with an open container, or passed out in a ridiculous location.
4.) The “Where’s the party at?” Guy
You’re walking to Freebirds for a nachos nightcap at the wee hours of the morning and this guy is on the prowl asking any and every girl, “Ey, where’s the party at, beautiful?”
5.) The Foreign Guy
Indubitably, a guy with “an adorable _______(fill in the blank) accent” will come up to you and tell them their story in broken English and ask you to take them to a party or back to your place. But watch out ladies, this could just be The Creeper or The Out-of-Towner with a bad fake accent and one very specific motivation.
6.) The SBCC guy
The SBCC guy is another easily recognizable character considering how often these guys rep their SBCC gear out in I.V….I don’t advise this.
7.) The Athlete
If you find this guy and he is a sweetie you are officially bi-winning.
8.) The Old Guy
You’re at a great party dancing with your friends and as you’re scoping the crowd you spot a much older man. This guy is both creepy and hilarious, so it is up to you whether you and your friends want to hang out with him or not. But hey, he probably has some pretty awesome stories from his youth.
9.) The Space-Invader
This guy is also known as the Butt-Grabber. Guys, girls do no want their butt or any part of their bodies grabbed by some random dude. If they wanted their butt to be grabbed, they would go get their butt grabbed on their own terms.
10.) The Pirate
Last but not least, we cannot forget our I.V. favorite–The Pirate. He may not attend UCSB but he sure does feel like a part of our special UCSB family. I can always count on him to put a smile on my face.