For many of us, we aren’t familiar with the concept of dating. When does hanging out become a date? Does going on a date automatically lead to commitment and marriage? No.
Dating: A form of romatic courtship typically between two individuals with the aim of assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The result of dating may at any time lead to friendship, any level of intimate relationship, marriage, or no relation (Dictionary.com)
In other words, a date is just a date. It’s when we get to know each other, to see what kind of things they like, what kind of humor they have, what values they hold, whether they’re introverted or extroverted, how they react when you drop your fork at a restaurant and the like.
We have the tendency to think that getting picked up at the door and having them meet your parents mean you’re locked in for a commitment, for exclusive dating, for marriage. This is why we become afraid of getting rejected and we shy away from saying yes to things like a date at a sit-down restaurant. Hanging out is more ambiguous than ever. Intentions become unclear and feelings are pushed aside. Nowadays, dates are almost non-existent.
I was chatting with my boss at work who told me a few things about when she dated back in the 80’s and this was what she said:
1. “Meeting the parentals was no questions asked. We would dress up and look fancy. He’d give me flowers and it was fun.”
Now: A “hey, I’m outside -emojis-” is safe, efficient, and acceptable.
2. “I had a 7PM curfew and sometimes, my sister would be our chaperone.”
Now: Hooking up is a norm. It’s casual dating. It’s usually never anything serious. If she’s okay with it, I’m okay with it.
3. “Going dutch didn’t exist. It was obvious that he was the one paying.”
Now: Does “Just venmo me” sound familiar? #COLLEGELIFE is #BROKELIFE
4. “If we really couldn’t see each other, we’d call.”
Now: We constantly check our phone for that morning text. If we never got it, then it didn’t mean anything.