So your friend has been in or has recently gotten into a relationship, great news! …or is it?
When a close friend gets into a relationship you obviously feel happy for them, but you can’t help avoid the inevitable tinge of resentment when the day comes. All of a sudden the dynamics of your friendship seem to change overnight, as not only your friend, but you also adjust to the newly added third party. Sometimes this transition from you & your friend to you & your friend (plus an ever-looming boyfriend/girlfriend) can go smoothly and your friend is able to effortlessly fit you both into their lives without skipping a beat. Other times, the transition can turn into a power struggle for your friend’s attention (where usually the significant other ends up winning).Â
Unfortunately, a lot of the times you (the friend) are left in the dust as your former bestie gets swept in the whirlwind of a new romance. Often times this change can be temporary and eventually your friend’s honeymoon stage will settle down to slowly reintegrate you back in their lives. Other times it can seem that your friend has completely cut you off from their lives, like if they’re totally unavailable to hang out, they never reach out to you, they avoid texting you back or don’t even bother replying, and they disregard your feelings for the sake of their newfound love.
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If this is a situation you are in, there are ways to lure your friend out of their love-stricken coma to once again rekindle your friendship. Read below for some tips for dealing with being the “dropped” friend:
Remind them about the good times.
At times, actions speak louder than words and simply getting your friend away from their significant other can remind them how much value your friendship truly has. Have a movie night in where you pamper yourselves and just catch up, hopefully this reminds them how valuable your bond is. Or plan a night out with your girl-gang (or boy-gang) to remind your friend how much they’ve been missing out on by not keeping up with their friendships. Try not to make it seem demeaning (“Look how much fun we are compared to ____.”), instead make it more along the lines of (“We really miss hanging out with you!”).
Intervention time.
Sometimes you can’t even get your friend to willingly spend a night out with you or have a hang out without physically having to kidnap them away from their BF/GF. This is when more drastic measures can be used. Chances are if your friend has dropped you, you are not the only one they have left on the sidelines. Try gathering a couple of friends that your main friend has been ignoring for an emergency friendship intervention. This may sound drastic but desperate times call for desperate measures. The key to getting this to work is to make it seem like you’re not all ganging up on them, instead make sure it’s coming from a place of love and not anger. Try not to make them feel bad for ignoring you, instead make it known that you miss the relationship you once had and wish they would make steps to repair it.Â
Make friends with “the enemy.”
Sometimes the tactics to gain back your friend have to be a little more covert. Try actually building a bond/friendship with your friend’s BF/GF themselves. A lot of times we paint the significant other as an “enemy” who is stealing your friend away. Rather than envy them, reach out to them and let them know you care about your friend and want to get along with the person that makes them happy. Being friends, or at least friendly, will let your friend know that you are accepting of their relationship and will make them feel like they don’t have to choose either/or and can instead have both.Â
Accept being a third wheel.
Let’s be real, no one wants to be a third wheel. However, when you really value your friendship it can occasionally be tolerated. Plan a lunch or some other outing for you guys to spend time together, at least you are getting some time with your friend rather than none. And sometimes being a third wheel can be fun if you get along with the SO.
Reevaluate your “friendship”.
Looking at the overall picture, you will have to decide if your “friend” is even being a friend. If they dropped you, disregarded your attempts to reach out, and are making no changes to their behavior, maybe its time to call it quits. It always hurts to lose a friend, but you also have to look out for your own needs and self-interest. There are plenty of people out there (with SOs and without) who would treat your friendship with more value and respect than your so-called “friend.”Â