Let’s talk hookups.
When I entered my first year of college, I came in with no sexual or dating experience. I mean never had a boyfriend, never held hands, hadn’t had my first kiss and definitely never had sex. Seeing as I was “innocent” my first year, hearing about casual hookups was scandalous to me. I always thought my first kiss would be with my future boyfriend, not a random frat guy at a party. Since everyone I knew was hooking up with people and on Tinder, I felt behind in a way, so I was convinced to download the app too. Now that I am a junior in college and still have yet to experience my first boyfriend/relationship, I realized that ‘Hookup culture’ is becoming more prominent, and I hate it.
Here’s why I think hookup culture is so bad.
I want to start by saying I’m not shaming anyone who hookups up frequently. As long as there is a mutual understanding between both sides, and if that is something you want to do, then, by all means, go ahead; we’re only young once after all. My main issue with hookup culture is that since it is becoming more common, I have noticed many young girls and people, in general, feel the need to rush into things. Some feel obligated to hook up with them asap so they don’t lose them.
Hooking up can also lead to confusion. When you’re hooking up with the same person frequently, you begin to wonder “what are we?”, “are we dating?” There really is no communication when it comes to hooking up, and there should be. Especially when one catches feelings or wants to be exclusive but the other person doesn’t. I also dislike hookup culture because you have to remember the person you’re hooking up with is most likely seeing other people too, so sometimes this can make you feel like just a body or not special. Which you should never think!
Hookup culture, in my opinion, creates a lack of romance. I feel like no one wants to get to know each other anymore, like what happened to going on dates. Speaking from experience, many hook up first then if they’re lucky, get to know each other after. This is why it is important to establish what you want and make it clear if a hookup is all you want. I have a friend who always makes sure a guy takes her out first and gets to know her before moving forward, and honestly, I wish I was more like her. We should all start setting boundaries and being clear, but I know how hard that can be on dating apps.
I also hate hookup culture because if you are looking to meet someone doing it on apps like Tinder can be hard. Tinder is already known predominantly for hooking up. Although there are people who have met their boyfriends/husbands on the app, it’s not so easy. Also, dating apps can be such a hassle and it’s all based on appearance. I personally would prefer meeting someone in person but that’s a little hard with the current pandemic.
Not to mention I’m tired of seeing guys holding a fish, like is that really your best picture someone please explain.
Dating apps and hookups can also take a toll on your mental health. Many times and I’m sure many can relate to this, I redownload Tinder just to gain some male validation. But oftentimes I find myself in this vicious cycle of talking to several guys then having them ghost me or I ghost them. If I’m lucky I’ll get one date but after that, I’ll never see the guy again. I’m left wondering if I’m good enough.
This generation, in my opinion, is so hung up on finding someone to love, myself included, that we forget to love ourselves first. Hooking up can be fun if you know what you want and know what to expect and of course done safely. But, if you are still feeling unsure about what you want or are looking for, just remember this isn’t a race. Also, and I wish someone would have told me this my freshman year, you don’t owe anyone anything. Always put yourself first and don’t be afraid to communicate about what you want and don’t want.
